Excelling at Mediocrity

Moving outta here!

2010-02-11T09:51:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to make the big move for over a year but moving isn't fun and there's a lot to be packed up and hauled outta here.

But since I've decided to update more frequently with the food growing how to's, it just seems like this is a good time to make the break.

I trust that you'll find my new place just as cozy. It might feel a little cleaner/sharper over there but that's just the difference between wordpress and blogger So come on over and leave your comments and questions on the food growing posts there for me.

http://excellingatmediocrity.wordpress.com/

Yoo hoo...Over here...

2010-02-10T11:18:00.000-08:00

Now that the party's over and things are getting back to normal 'round here [read: one blog post every four months], I realise that I like having lots of people visiting my place. Even the goofy ones (did you read the last comment in the fMh thread?) The only problem is that I don't like writing and I especially don't like to write about myself, my life, or what I think.

I figure, if I can't stand to hear myself talk, why would anyone else?

I'm kinda at odds here, aint I?

huh.

Oh well, you got any suggestions for this problem? Quimby?

What would I have to write about to keep your attention?

Detour

2010-02-08T10:03:00.000-08:00

Welcome fMh'ers!

Since Lisa's place is under contruction, I thought I'd open my place up for the party.

I know! It's not pink. But it is cozy and all are welcome here. So put your feet up and let me grab you a cup of Chamomile tea and let's what we do best--talk.

This is an open thread unless you'd like to talk about this poll I found during my internet travels.

p.s. If you comment under "anonymous" because you don't have a blogger account, be sure to leave your regular handle so we know who we're talking to.

What does it mean to be an American?

2009-12-18T21:35:00.000-08:00

Growing up, it never occurred to me that I was living a life of privilege. I didn't know that it was a luxury to wet my toothbrush under a running faucet so I could brush my teeth (and floss) before I jumped into my very own bed. I never thought it special to reach into the cupboard and pull out baking soda, flour and sugar so I could make a cake with my aunt in her kitchen. I never considered it a right to sit beside my grandmother during Catholic mass and offer up prayers to our God.

As a child, none of those activities ever cross my mind as being privileges and I'm ashamed to say that they haven't really crossed my mind (enough times)as an adult.

But watching a brief program tonight on what it means to be American really moved me to think hard on what it means to me.

I have no answers yet.

Sure, I have a few ideas. Just sitting here and sharing my thoughts with you is an example of the freedoms I enjoy. It's an example of my relative wealth and right to speak freely. Both of which I acquired just by being lucky enough to be born in this country. My mother was not born in this country. I am indeed lucky.

I encourage you to watch the video. The stories shared by the individuals are as varied as the people who share them. I was especially touched by a refugee family being showed how to use the shower and kitchen sink (about 24-25 min in).

A place for friends

2009-11-25T12:01:00.000-08:00

(Cross posted at fMh)

The holidays are a difficult time for me. Most of my adult holidays have been spent alone or as the awkward guest in another family’s family-time. Even as a child it was difficult. I was the step-kid and often treated as a guest at my mother’s husband’s family get together…Oy! How the holidays sucked.

I thought it would be easier to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas when I remarried. I thought having a ‘family’ would change things, would change me, but His family is in Wisconsin and it’s just the 3 of us-often only two of us. Making a big turkey dinner with all of the trimmings is a lot of work and a lot of food for a very small family.

As I thought about my feelings, and the 30+ years of emotional baggage I carry around with me this time of year, my thoughts turned to a familiar saying on fMh:

It’s good to know that I’m not the only one that feels this way.

And then I remembered the single mother, the widow, the never married, the newly married couple, the childless, the individuals who have been discarded by their biological family and anyone that feels alone this time of year, and I though about how, if I could open my heart and home to comfort those people during this time, I would have the ambition and desire to celebrate.

I’m not saying that my family isn’t worthy of celebration but when 2/3 of my family isn’t the celebratin’ type, it takes all the fun out of all the work.

So, to everyone who doesn’t have a big family get-together awaiting them tomorrow, know that if my home was the center of the fMh universe you would be welcomed here and we’d cook and burn food and make the house smell like heaven. We’d talk and cry and laugh at everything that came to our minds. We’d watch some football and most definitely some hockey. We’d break bread and stuff ourselves silly until we couldn’t stand to look at another slice of pumpkin pie and then when we’re full and content and satisfied, we’d part ways and say to each other : until we meet again friend.

My thoughts are with you.

On friends and money

2009-11-16T22:22:00.000-08:00

Some of us grow up poor and learn frugality and resilience and common sense. We learn how to make-do with little, expect little and learn how to be satisfied with what we have. We take the lessons of our youth with us into adulthood and we are cautious with our money. We save it and only purchase items we have cash on hand for. We plan in advance for unexpected events because we are always mindful that it can all come tumbling down with a loss of a job or accident. And we do our best to teach our children the lessons we learned and hope that they too will be prudent in their adulthood

And others....

Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die!

Or so it feels to me. It's frustrating to hear of the financial missteps of dear friends. It pains me to see potential hazards along their path and know I am unable to counsel them because they don't want to hear what I have to say. And because it's none of my business.

Money is funny. The standard rules of friendship do not apply. It seems my job as "friend" is to sit back and watch as the misery unfolds and do my best not to say “I shoulda told you so”.

What an unnatural thing to ask of me.

How do you handle these things?

(Bitter)sweet 16

2009-11-09T16:06:00.000-08:00

16 years ago, my little Petunia came into the world. I was just three years older than she is today.

Now she’s asking to drive the car and buying undergarments from Victoria’s Secret. We talk about boys and drugs and stupid girl tricks. We laugh together–though not enough. Yell at each other–way too much. And cry together– at the stupidest things.

Harsh as it sounds, we are not friends. I am her mother and she is my daughter and the roles we play defined who we are to each other. Ours has mostly been a relationship of survival and necessity. Of frugality and pragmatism. Sure, we love each other, but our lives are not full of demonstrative love. And we’re very close, but we have a clear understanding of each others space and boundaries. Softness was a luxury that I couldn’t afford and safety took priority over idyllic childhoods.

I have always considered Petunia to be an extension of me. And who could blame me? First she was inside me, then at my side when we slept and at my breast to be comforted. Later she would be behind me in the car seat when we traveled and beside me in the bed where we read. She stood at my side when I married N and she stands near me when we talk about the things of life.

Because of our circumstances, we have always been together, me making a home for her and both of us growing into adulthood. Many years have passed since it was just the two of us and I have finally reached that time when I am forced to realize: She is no longer an extension of me.

And so, while I lived my life in a way that would teach her to be a kind person and I trained how to be polite to people and I showed her what it takes to be a person that will go into the world with confidence and awareness and skill, I now have to admit that our relationship isn’t “about me” anymore.

It’s about her now.

Now it’s my turn to stand by her side as she grows into the young woman that I helped to create.

Roasted Tomatoes

2009-09-24T18:54:00.000-07:00

I love to roast as a way to preserve over canning because the tomatoes taste better and canned tomatoes from the market are inexpensive. I don't think I could find a jar of locally roasted tomatoes for <$1.00 but if you have a lead on a store that carries them for that price, I'm there. I did can this year because I had a very plentiful harvest and I'm pretty sure I couldn't afford all of the olive oil required to roast a thousand tomatoes.

I've had a few requests for this tomato recipe so here goes...

Pull them off the vines and rinse. There's close to a hundred tomatoes in the tub below and you'll use that many to obtain two to three pints of tomatoes. (depends on size of course. I use the smallish Roma's for this recipe)

Add generous amounts of olive oil and balsamic vinegar,kosher salt, pepper, rosemary, basil, and a touch of oregano. I used fresh herbs because I have them available right now but dried herbs work just as well. Don't be afraid to experiment. I'm positive you can't go wrong unless you burn them.

oh, and don't forget the garlic -very important, but not as important as the balsamic vinegar. The balsamic vingar is the reason why the tomatoes pop with flavor in your mouth.

Make sure to swish the 'maters around in the oil/herb mixture so they get a good coating. Turn them flat side down and let them sit for 30-45 minutes to marinate

Bake them for about 45-1 hr at 425 degrees until they look like this:

and then flip and cook them until they look like the photo above. When you flip them they will feel like mush. Don't be tempted to quit at this stage because the tomatoes will be mushy and a bit watery. Roasting the other side really seals in the flavor and texture. The second roasting doesn't take long so be on the lookout.

Let them cool and then put them the storage container of your choice and freeze. I added a little extra olive oil for preservation (that's entirely optional) and used mason jars because I have plenty. I've had another jar in the fridge for two weeks now and If I had to guess, I say it will last a really long time because of the olive oil.

And after all of that hard work...

It's time to eat!

2009-08-19T12:09:00.000-07:00

Also posted at feministmormonhousewives.org

When Lisa was here last week, we were chatting briefly about the new Supreme Court Justice, Sonia Sotomayor and she suggested that I need a t-shirt that says "Wise Latina" because I am the resident Latina on fMh and (she thinks) I'm wise.

I was surprised and thrilled when, a few hours later, I flipped over my current issue of Latina magazine and found this image staring back at me.

I'm totally buying this in hopes that one day I can live up to its words.

******

I'd like to take a minute as a half-brown woman to share with the world how great I think it is to have a bona-fide brown woman sitting on the Supreme Court of the United States.

My grandmother, mother, aunts and cousins all Latin immigrants; Mexican, Cuban, Spanish, came here seeking a better life and though they never made it to positions as high as Ms. Sotomayor, they paved the way for me and my cousins to aspire to greatness. I am the first in my line to receive a college education and my cousin BJ the first in hers.

It wasn't easy for either of us. We came up poor and without the social /cultural expectations and/ or emotional and financial support needed to get us through University. Both of us on the receiving end of ugly words and deeds directed at us personally, directed at our families and directed at our people.

But somehow, despite the hardships, we pressed on.

And one day, hopefully, my daughter, who is brown, yellow and white, and BJ's children, who are brown, black and white, will not ever know what a big deal it is to be the first [insert gender/color here] to achieve [insert high ranking title here].

I hope that when they are 35, they will only know of a time when women, gays, blacks, yellow, reds and browns were considered less than equal to white men as an event only existing in the history books.

Beauty

2009-08-11T19:45:00.000-07:00

Many things are beautiful to me.

Today, it's carrots.

I love the feeling of pulling the root out of the soggy ground; mud squishing between my fingers as I tug the top of the plant. It a surprise each time because every carrot has its own unique shape. Some long and straight, others short with multiple carrots growing from one base.

All of them tasty when roasted with olive oil, garlic and rosemary.

This is my first official harvest of carrots

just for kicks, here's a partial view of the Superfund site:

...and the finished product! another beautiful thing to see.

everything but the chicken came from the back.

Sunday at Mueller Park

2009-08-10T12:00:00.000-07:00

Look! We got a new camera.

Now I have proof that I don't spend all day everyday tuned into fMh or Facebook.
_____
As I've been looking over the many years of pictures, it's obvious to me that n and I are the "couple that does stuff", but not in the adorably cute couple, Les and Christy, kind of way. More like the hey, I need a riding buddy and your proximity makes it convenient, kind of way. (Remember the proximity friend?)

I was trained to believe that couples are supposed to get over each other and activ-a-tate apart after they’ve been married a few years-- but not us. We seem to get more active as we age and I'm not talking about the occasional camping trip or weekly visit to COSTCO. We play hard together and do it often.

This is a *good thing because we get to, hopefully, keep having fun and continue to find interest with each other as the years pass.

It also means that when he wises up and leaves me for some peace and tranquility, he'll not have his built in proximity buddy to do stuff with and end up coming home.

So here are some pics of our most recent outing. I only wish we had bought the camera on Saturday when we rode the Big Water trail at the top of Millcreek Canyon—that’s one gorgeous trail full of fir and aspen trees with a lake at the top of the climb.

These are of Mueller Park Canyon in Bountiful. It’s less than 10 miles from the house to the trail head, and though it aint no Millcreek, it’s a decent climb and fun descent and we can take Mr. Pink along.

it's a long way to the top when you only have four legs.

no, i'm not pregnant!

my hunny is hawt! i think i got the better end of the deal.

*If you don't count all the times I’m “moody” or “irritable” ( if you’re married to a woman you know that's those are code words for bitchy)

I can do anything better than you can...no I can't.

2009-07-01T15:18:00.001-07:00

If you ask me what the best TV show of all time is I will probably say The Wire, and next in line is Six Feet Under, but my recent re-acquaintance with M*A*S*H*during my bout with the Swine flu reminded me of what an insightful and brilliant show M*A*S*H* was.

I used to watch it all the time as a kid but only for the humor. As an adult, I get it. I get the messages the writers were trying to send about war and the human condition.

I have been mulling this line said to Hawkeye Peirce by Col. Ptter, around in my head for days:

"The only (wo)man I have to be better than is the (wo)man I am right now."

It's just one of many classic lines from the show. I guess I keep hearing it over and over in my head because most days I think I'm trying to be a better person for family and community, but the truth is, I am still comparing myself to my friends, schoolmates, co-bloggers neighbors and the beautiful woman I saw on the street.

I keep, secretly and quietly, insisting to myself that if I'm not as good as X than I'm not doing 'it' right. Whatever 'it' is.

The worst part is that those thoughts do nothing to make me feel more confident. They do nothing to inspire me to be better at whatever it is I'm good at.

Those thoughts discourage me and make me want to give up.

I just don't know how to make them stop.

Maybe I'll find the answer in another episode of M*A*S*H*.

Stay tuned.

Banning the Burqa

2009-07-01T14:55:00.000-07:00

i'm posting this here for those that don't read the big blog and want a more intimate place to express their opinion. if you want to be part of a larger discussion, you can find it here: feministmormonhousewives.org

As a western woman with the freedoms to wear whatever I want (as long as it’s garment worthy) I secretly snickered when I heard that French president Nicolas Sarkozy wants to ban the wearing of burqas by Muslim women on French territory. Apparently, he wants to protect the dignity of women.

After all, a *burqa is an article of clothing designed to conceal a woman from head to toe with only her eyes to be seen. To my half-white, middle-class American mind, the wearing of a burqa is just crazy. It forces a woman to be “invisible”. She is no longer a person, she’s property.

And as a feminist, it makes me uncomfortable to be around.**

But, my silent and fleeting satisfaction quickly turned to thoughts of the potential harms of such laws.

Religious tolerance and personal freedoms were first to my mind.

And the women. What happens to the women who have been forbidden by law to wear their coverings in public?

It’s easy for me as a feminist to almost intuitively think that any kind of forced covering is wrong. I mean, she’ll never be equal to anyone as long as she’s hidden behind a veil, right?

but…

the religious person in me thinks that legislating what religious apparel is ‘unacceptable’ is just establishing a precedent for doing away with any form of outward signs of religion (garments? yarmulkes?). And what about cultural clothing?

What if a government decides that traditional [insert any traditional immigrant to the new country] clothing is not in keeping with the standards of cultural acceptability?

I know that many women wear the head scarf or burqa do it out of choice–out of religious duty. I understand and can respect those arguments. As a person who wears the garment to, in part, protect my morality and encourage modesty, I am not much different.

I also know that many women are forced to wear coverings. If I were to visit Saudi Arabia, I’d be required to cover-up in public.

So, what is the difference? Assuming their is one.

Where is the line drawn when respecting one country’s customs and laws and infringing on personal freedoms?

Where is the line drawn when respecting one group’s religious and cultural practices and protecting the rights of women/children/animals within the new host country?

What of the women who cannot wear their coverings in public? Will they be forced to stay indoors? Or will they obey the ‘laws of the land’ but be subject to sanctions by their religious and social community?

I don’t have the answers and I don’t really know what to think on this issue.

However, this does come to mind and whether or not it’s a similar scenario to you, it does help provide a starting point for me when considering France’s potential new law:

Years ago, women used to have their feet bound. Even here in the United States. Do you think we (Americans) would be so forgiving of such cultural practices now?

* If I have totally misrepresented anyone’s beliefs, please accept my apologies in advance.

**as a person who absolutely loves and celebrates religious and cultural diversity, I find myself in a world of confusion on this one.

First Time to Tri

2009-04-25T17:27:00.000-07:00

I finally made my ass participate in a triathlon. Back in 99, when I lived in CA, I trained for a sprint tri in the Pacific Ocean. I was 30-40 pounds leaner and ready to actually compete-not just finish. The race was on a Sunday and I was baptized in the LDS Church the Saturday before. I thought I should go to church instead.

Last Wednesday, (only a day after reentering the pool in years) I was sharing a lane with a girl who said she was going to do the 4th Street Triathlon on Saturday. I rode home on my bike and thought, I could at least try. So I signed up.

What's interesting to me is earlier that day, I was thinking on my way up to school that my bike is 10 years old now and that I bought it to race and it will never see dirt or a race again. I was lamenting the fact that the old Trek is now just a 'city bike'. To my delight, I was wrong!!!

So why would I sign up for something that I'm not ready for? Seriously folks, I can ride miles on the road but I haven't been on a trail in years. I can swim a few yards but not with any speed and I can't run. I can shuffle for 3 miles on flat pavement but I would be hesitant to call it jogging and I certainly haven't done all three events at once carrying a 30 pound bag on my butt.

Well, I keep saying: when I get in shape (read: lose 30lbs) I will do a tri/race/ _____. You know-- I'm not in shape. I haven't been in shape since I moved to Utah and I probably wont be again. I just don't have the intestinal fortitude to remove the weight.

But I was inspired by the girl in the lane next to me and by Eris-especially Eris. I'm so damn competitive that I keep thinking that it's only good if I do well. I realized from chatting with Eris that I don't have do well in the standings to have fun.

doing well is trying and finishing.

enjoy the pics

clean, happy and nervous.

I almost look like I know what I'm doing, eh? Considering I started swimming on Tuesday of this week after a ten year hiatus, I'm damn glad for muscle memory.

It was all uphill. until the downhill.

Bike to Run Transition. The trails were too muddy, too congested and too to rocky/gravely to get a good drink of water. This my first sip since starting.

Hands down, the cycle was the hardest and the funnest leg of the race. I haven't been mountain biking in almost... 10 years and I've never done it in the mud. I did fall, but it was at the beginning of the leg and at the bottom of an incline. The person in front of me had to hop off and it was in a several inch thick puddle of mud and water. I tried to clip out but the mud/metal/petal/cleat interface wasn't letting me out. so I tipped over, still clipped into my pedals. Ass first and sucked into the mud. It took me a few minutes! yes! to get myself unsucked. I have bruises and cuts to prove it. Thankfully, that was my only fall.

Done! 1:53 and some change. I expected to be the LAST person crossing the finish line and for it to take me 2-1/2 hours or longer. My first words to the volunteers: Can I stop now?

Eating a bagel and standing next to my old, but trusty steed.

Just in case i didn't make it clear how muddy it was....

best earth day ever

2009-04-22T19:17:00.000-07:00

i saw eris nekkid!!!

yep. we showered together.

well, not really but she was in the locker room with me after i went swimming and she was in the shower stall next to mine. as is my custom, in invited myself into her personal space and talked her ear off about really deep things until my class started.

it seems she's not offended by my loud cackle and foul mouthin' ways.

score!!!

see, i'm a simple girl, i only have two requests in my dealings with people and that is that they don't have a corn cob up their ass (read: knows how to laugh and doesn't take themselves seriously) and that they don't take offense at my notsonicetmormonladyways.

eris passed the test.

i have a new girl crush....yes i do. yes i do.
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.are we freaking you out numi?

Earth Day.

2009-04-22T19:15:00.000-07:00

pswhhhaw...earth day is for ametuers.

ok, i'm being mean. but if you are new to the who "green" thing and you've just started trying to do little things here and there to be more earth friendly,(tho, i like to think of it as human species friendly) here is the number one best thing you can do to be environmentally friendly.

CONSUME LESS.

consume less electricity: turn off the lights, tv, computer (yes!)

consume less natural gas: keep your thermostat low. we keep ours
at 58 in the winter. sweaters and wool socks work, i promise. but even keeping it at 62-63 will make a difference

consume less meat: reduce your meat to once or twice a week and you’ll be amazed at how much money you save.

consume less new stuff: all those things we like to buy have a cost that’s not factored into them at the checkout. it’s usually a human and environmental cost that would make you sick to your stomach if you actually knew. i’m not saying not to buy stuff. it’s fun. but buy less stuff.

consume less petrol: i’ve done posts on this in the past. ride your bike! take the bus. at least one day a week but aim for 3. you’ll save so much money in the long run, i promise.

consume less water: “if it aint yellow, let it mellow” is a motto in many homes now so you won't be the only one.

and dry your clothes on a line. it's free free free!

ps. buy a tree from a local nursery. trees are carbon sinks. if you live in a place where you can’t plant it, put it in a pot on your porch or donate it to a friend who can plant it.

k. i'm stepping down off my soapbox now.

actually, never was on. even if you don't care one iota about the environment, doing the following is also good common sense in these unstable economic times. why throw money away, i say.

plus, riding your bike home is a really good way to depressurize and burn a few calories and be a part of the world.

Tuesday foolishness...

2009-04-14T16:17:00.000-07:00

there's going to be a whole lot of bushy tops marrying muffin tops in the next few years. wonder what the kids will look like?

a little something to make you question your world view.

2009-04-02T14:54:00.000-07:00

US population: 304 million, 486 thousand*

US births annually: 4 million, 354 thousand

that's a lot of i pods, cell phones, laptops, cars, seven jeans, and 3000 sf homes

...and a lot of resources. where do they come from? and who really pays?

* prb.org

Panic Attack or Something Like That

2009-03-13T21:12:00.000-07:00

hang with me folks, this is more of a quick random journal entry/vent but it should give you an idea of where my mind is at lately.

My quest for a pressure cooker took me to the Bountiful today. I don't usually like to shop because 1. I don’t like being around all the people and 2. I know that my back will hurt and 3. most definitely, some asshole will attempt to run me over in the parking lot because he was paying more attention to his cell phone, but this was a "necessary" errand that "had" to be run after school.

Something about Fred’s class and the discussion topic had me feeling especially crummy. So as I entered in the Ross store, I immediately felt my anxiety level rise and guilt from being aware of where all that stuff comes from.

I couldn’t tell which was worse, the knowledge that everything I was attracted to (because I like stuff just like everyone else does) had to come from somewhere far, far away, (by hands that do no enjoy the leisure time at a keyboard, like mine do) and if I hadn’t done such a good job of dissociating myself from the real cost of "the stuff" I really wouldn’t want it, OR despite that knowledge, I still wanted "the stuff".

/sigh.

There was no pressure cooker at the Ross, or the TJ Maxx or even the Costco. By the end of my errand in that shopping center, I was ready to be hit by a truck--I felt so helpless.

They say ignorance is bliss. Sometimes, I believe that.

I headed over to the Centerville DI to complete another errand of dropping off my unwanted items and within a second of entering the store, my blood pressure went down and I felt at ease. I Love the DI.

Next stop: the locally owned Dicks for a sugar cookie- handmade in the bakery by college kids.

Locker Rooms and Aging

2009-03-11T17:28:00.000-07:00

also posted on feministmormonhousewives.org

I've noticed(ymmv) that in the gym locker room, it seems the older women, the ones that have a few years of accumulated fat around the belly and gray hair, don't care as much about changing and showering in full view of others. They appear to be comfortable. Unlike the youngish and nubile women and girls who not only don't shower and change where anyone can see them, but go to great lengths lest one catch any glimpse of their forbidden bits. Doesn't it seem like it should be the other way around?

From what I've noticed, many of the younger women hiding their bodies in the locker room also wear itty-bitty shorts and sport bras on the elliptical machine. They are also the ones that run around campus in miniskirts and high heels in the winter. I'm fascinated with their portrayal of self confidence and display of selected body parts to the world and how quickly that self confidence seems diminish in the locker room-- the place where it's OK to really let it all hang out. I'm fascinated because I identify with the young women... and the older women.

--------

All of this observation of late has me thinking of my youth and I'll be honest--I'm having a really difficult time accepting my age.

I admit that there are some great things about being in my mid 30's. For example, I know a little bit more than the average 22 year old about how the world works and how people think. I'm grateful to say that I have 20+ years of good and really bad life experiences and I'm fortunate to recognize their value. It's also been fun to realize that I'm still attractive, at my age, to the men-types (I'd be full of dog poo if i didn't admit that it matters to me.)

But yet, there are some sucky things about aging. My body aches. I have shoulder and back issues that keep me up all night. My vision is failing, I'm noticing lines around my mouth and eyes, a brand new difficulty in shedding excess fat and the sharp decline in the amount of perky parts.

While I'm being honest...I'll also admit that for much of my life, my physical appearance has been important to my success(?) my acceptance(?) I don't know for sure what it was, but I know it's been positive. (I want to state that I consider myself to be only slightly better than average and that's only because I have really great hair). I worry about entering the job market again as a late 30's/early 40 something woman, my youth and beauty behind me. I worry about not having that positive advantage (because I've learned that looks matter during the interview process). That might be shallow and arrogant to many of you but I have always tried to be honest on this forum and since when do I pull punches? These are real concerns to me and pretty much every other women over the age of perky.

---------
So while it's silly to me now, as a quasi-mature (don't laugh, I've got the body to prove it) woman, in the past, I was that young girl hiding behind a towel worried about others seeing my body even though I would flaunt appropriate (I thought) bits of it with a well fitting tank top because, you know, I had lots of muscles that needed to be seen.

Back then why was I ashamed to have someone see my much more beautiful (for standard cultural values of beauty) naked body in the shower but now-- as the middle aged (almost invisible) woman with not so firm parts, a belly that proves that I gave birth, thighs tone by many years working in an office, that I don't need to give a crap. Well, not as much.

So what happened? Did I just realize that it's futile? That I'm not in competition with anyone (and maybe I never really was) and it's not worth worrying about? Or am I, at the ripe age of 35, just starting to realize that nobody is looking and that my value as a woman is actually in those 20+ years of life experience?

Still, even with the progress I've made on the personal front, how do I convince a future employer of that?

What about you? How are you dealing with age? Beauty? Being older and entering the job market?

Here's a funny bit of life: my 15 y/o just walked in, asked me how the bathing suit top looks on her ( for her mutual activity), makes a comment about how much she likes how she looks in the top and then puts on a pair of too big for her man shorts because she doesn't want anyone to see her butt and legs--because?]

25 things (so I will stop getting tagged) about me.

2009-02-02T18:52:00.000-08:00

Here's a little something that was going around on Facebook. I figured since I went through the trouble to type it up, I might as well be efficient and make it a blog post.

1. I think people who use their cell phones while driving are selfish and dangerous assholes. I also think that people who talk about private things on their cell phones in public places shouldn’t be offended when I offer them a sock to shove in their mouths. (yeah, I realize I just offended everyone I know but this is supposed to be things you didn’t know about me and I value my right to life and my husband’s right to life more than I value your right to chat/text while you are driving )

2. I love to dig in the dirt and work outdoors but my back doesn’t. I’ve had chronic back problems since I was a sophomore in high school. The doctor said at my first visit that I better get used to the pain because I will have to live with it for the rest of my life. She was right.

3. I always carry a knife and vintage handkerchief on me-even when I wear a dress/skirt and heels. (I have a drippy nose.)

4. Though I don’t dress like it, I love expensive high-end clothing. I also have a really good sense of style but I’m way to practical to dress the part on a day to day basis. I’m also too practical to spend the money on really expensive clothes. Everything I own/wear comes from a thrift store, is a hand me down or is from Ross/TJ Maxx and was deeply discounted ( I won’t buy it if it isn’t on clearance)

5. I hate spending money. I love saving money. You wouldn’t know it by the amount of crap I have piled on every surface in my house.

6. I am a chronic surface abuser. No flat surface is safe from my piles.

7. I am the laziest person you will ever meet.

8. I have shitty self esteem and I always assume everyone hates me and I second guess everything I say and do. I’ve tried to get over this my whole life but the best I can do is just manage my anxiety.

9. I'm a klutz. I trip, fall, slip, knock things over. You can't take me anywhere because I will embarrass you.

10. I taught myself to snowboard when I was in my mid 20’s. I also taught snowboarding-the same season I learned how to ride. It’s the only thing I’ve ever been madly passionately in love with. It’s what brought me to Utah.

11. I live a quiet, almost boring life. I will almost always chose to stay in but should I have to go out, I will dress up and put make- up on—because I never go out!!

12. I can make things with yarn. Gloves, mittens, scarves, hats, dolls. I know dozens of stitches and I have about 24 skeins of yarn and unfinished projects sitting next to my bed. I also have several hundred skeins of yard around the house and in the storage shed. It’s a sickness.

13. I used to be a series 3 licensed commodities broker. I started as temp office assistant.
I was one of 4 or 5 female brokers in an office of 75+ men. Never ever tell me that I can’t do something because I will show you otherwise.

14. I’m impatient and bitchy and totally irrational most of the time.

15. I didn’t want to get married because I didn’t want to have to share my space and life with someone. It's a good think Niel came along and made me share.

16. I have dial up internet because I’m too cheap to pay for broadband. I also have cable tv and HBO but I watch it on a 17" TV for the same reasons. (I haven’t figured it out yet either)

17. I foster shelter dogs and teach them some manners so they can get adopted. It’s really simple- I show them how to walk on a lead without pulling (at my side) , how to take food nicely and how to wait before entering a doorway or stairway. Works every time!

18. I used to live in Laguna Hills, Ca. I would spend every weekend in the winter in the mountains and every weekend in the summer/ spring at the beach. I miss the beach but I love the mountains more. I don’t miss California too much.

19. I used to have several secret fantasies they are:
a. to have the body of a Ms. Fitness competitor
b. to be able to play the guitar and sing like Ani Difranco
c. to compete in boarder cross race

20. Currently, my favorite place is the Tetons in late September/ early October. There’s just no way to describe the beauty of that park in full fall color. Add in the light, late season traffic, and that place is like heaven.

21. I used to play the bass guitar. I saved all my money when I was in jr high and with some help from my cousin bought one. I taught myself how to play it but later sold it because my then husband made me. I regret that. I have an acoustic 6 string and I know many chords and how to play it but I suck because I don’t ever practice. I always mean to practice, I always wish to practice but I’m just not driven enough (maybe you should tell me that I will never be able to play because I’m just not good enough)

22. Speaking of regrets, I only have a few…I regret not realizing my childhood dream of being a sound engineer, I regret not going to university after high school, I regret not going to University when I moved to Utah, I regret not finishing my degree when I got married in 05, I regret not actually taking the snowboard racing seriously when I was younger and I really regret not being a better mother to Hannah-I should have spent more time hugging, singing, reading and playing with her. Now, I’m to cranky and stubborn to make up for it. If I could change one of them, it would be be the last one.

23. I have no talents. Seriously. Not one.

24. I love to swim and lift weights. I don’t like to run. Hiking is tolerable only because it’s the only way to experience a national park.

25. I’m so sorry for all of you who actually read this.

oh one more, I'm worried about getting older and losing my looks (because it's always been about my looks, right?) but I think it's totally stupid that girls get all dressed up and wear heels on campus in the winter. just today, i saw a girl with knee high socks, short shorts, and heels walking up the hill to the Union. wtf?

Hi. I'm back for a few minutes.

2009-02-01T15:32:00.000-08:00

You'd think with all of the changes in my life in the last 30 days, I'd have much to say, but I don't.

I'm just too lazy but I know a few of you have wondered where I've been...

I was laid off from TSC the first week of January-something to do with not being able to get loans for the construction projects- so I added 3 classes to my schedule-I am now a full time student at the University of Utah.

I am not, nor do I plan to look for work in the near future. Thanks to a good savings and a partner who is (currently) working, I will be able to meet all of my financial commitments while I finish my schooling this semester. Let's keep our fingers crossed and hope that NF doesn't become another victim of the financial mess our country is in.

I'm an environmental studies major and I'm also planning to get BS in geography for fun. I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with trying to save our species.

My house is cleaner than it's been in years and that awful pain in my shoulder, the one that paralyzes me when I'm washing dishes or making dinner, it hasn't visited me in 3 weeks. I am much more pleasant now and I think it's because I currently have no stress or if I do, it doesn't bother me.

I've decided that I never want to work in an office again (did you know there's light in the day and sometimes, it's warm and breezy?) and that full time student status is much more fun. I'll let you know how that works out.

Oh, the best part about getting laid off? I can now use public transportation every day- I don't have to drive during the week. It's freaking awesome. (and I've lost weight too)

So there, I'm doing great. I pouted for about an hour after I got word of losing my income but in that same hour, I added classes to my schedule. I'm not one to give up an opportunity and this major change is certainly one of them. I've been through worse things in my life so big changes don't always scare me- I just plow ahead and keep moving forward.

Cable TV is Good for Your Health

2008-12-31T13:00:00.000-08:00

it seems the federal government can help you upgrade your tv from analog to digital but they can't ensure that you have access to affordable health care. apparently, access to worthless commercials and advertising is a more important issue for the american people.

blankety blank bleep bleep bleep!!!

folks, i'm angry. i'm angry that our ability to watch the TV is another "high priority" for those fat ass pigs ( who have excellent medical coverage, btw) in washington but our well-being isn't. i'm angry that i can get a government sponsored coupon for a little box but i can't get a government sponsored coupon for a yearly physical.

my husband waited three months to see a pulmonologist about his respiratory issues only to have the doctor prescribe him medicine that costs more than our combined monthly utility bills. fortunately, we can (i say this with the utmost respect for our current and hopefully not temporary financial situation) afford the medicine he needs to breathe.

but what happens when we cant?

is there anything we, the citizens, can do to change our health care system in the US? do we have any power or is this just another case of big oil/gas/tobacco/insurance/fill in the blank, directing the lives of us lowly plebs and we just have to make do with what we already have.

sigh.

A Christmas Request

2008-12-24T19:58:00.000-08:00

I should be happy tonight-it is Christmas eve after all. In a few minutes, I will sit in the living room with my family and we will open one of many Christmas gifts under our tree and later we will drive over to midnight services at Zion Evangelical Lutheran church.

I should also be happy that my cupboards are full enough that I was able rummage through them to gather extra toiletries and food items.

I should be happy that my closet is overflowing with clothes; winter sweaters, jackets, jeans and extra shoes all waiting in a bag for another days use.

I should be happy that my bank account at this time can support our family’s needs and there’s money left over for an emergency.

And I should be happy that this year marked the largest fund drive the Road Home Shelter has ever had. Busting all records by thousands of dollars.

And I am happy for those things and yet, my friends, my heart is heavy this Christmas Eve.

I just returned from dropping off some of the items above. As I walked through the halls of the shelter to make a a cash donation, I passed middle aged men, young women and children. I walked past women who looked like me and children that looked like they could be my own. As I handed over my money, I learned that the amount of new residents is up 118%-many of whom are entire families recently displaced.

This hurts my heart for I know that with the loss of a job or two, our savings and extra food storage will be wiped out and we, familia Franti, could find ourselves residing in a shelter or using the emergency services.

Sound too dramatic?

You say, “c’mon Mel, that would never happen to you-you have family, friends. You have a savings”.

I say, it can happen to anyone.

My husband is not guaranteed to live and secure my future. I am not immune from losing my ability to work and my child is not immune from illness and medical costs exceeding our ability to pay.

Places like the Road Home Shelter cannot survive without our help. If you are in a heated home tonight reading this, I beg you to go through your closets, your food storage and gather unused items. We are LDS folk, we’ve got extra toilet paper, toothpaste, razors, towels, socks, blankets and jackets that are just waiting in a corner to be used with gratitude this season. If you got a little cash left over from Christmas shopping, donate that too. Keep in mind, it only cost $12 dollars to house and feed one person a night. Surely you have and extra $12 dollars?

Please. Make a donation to a local shelter, food bank, charity and help your less fortunate neighbors.

time and space and how much?

2008-12-03T12:25:00.001-08:00

what does it say about me that i have no interest in lds blogs and blogging right now? that i have no interest in listening to another "righteous" soul proclaiming that my views and those with views like mine are misguided, ill-informed or ignorant in the ways of the lord.

does it mean anything that i just don't care- that i've got no fight in me? or is this part of the normal up and down cycle of life?

i will write more about this tomorrow after tonight's meeting with the bishop.

Who Knew?

2008-11-19T10:51:00.000-08:00

"You cannot live a political life, you can't live a moral life, if you're not willing to open your eyes and see the world more clearly, see some of the injustices going on. Try to make yourself aware of what's happening in the world, and if you are aware, you have a responsibility to act, and when you act, you have a responsibility to doubt. And when you doubt, you can't get paralyzed; you have to use that doubt to act again. And that then becomes the cycle: you open your eyes, you act, you doubt. And without doubt, you become dogmatic and shrill and stupid. And without action, you become cynical and passive and a victim of history. And that should never happen."

– William Ayers, from Fresh Air, National Public Radio, November 18, 2008

Who knew that I could be inspired by an America-hating, commie pinko lefty radical bullshitting terrorist?

Sometimes theTruth Hurts

2008-11-04T10:00:00.000-08:00

I read this on the NEWSER blog, Off the Grid, yesterday.

Comment by Terradea in response to Sara Palin is Your Future

Sad commentary on America. We will soon be a third-world laughing stock, not because of our phony elections and silly Republican vice presidential candidate, but because we've lost the values that once made us great. We no longer appreciate the things that make a country strong and it's society, as a whole, successful: education, ethics, experience, decorum, thrift, accountability, fairness and civil rights.

We now embrace notoriety, mediocrity, greed, power, status, extravagance, lies, slander, knee-jerk reactionaries and lack of decorum. We've become a proud, arrogant nation of red-neck hillbillies and fat middle-class losers. We like our beer and our guns and our churches, but don't preach charity to us 'cause we ain't communists. We want our leaders to be just like us: dumb, inelegant and angry. We hate the poor, the weak and the sick. We insist on babies being born but we refuse to feed them. We hate foreigners. We love to hate foreigners. And any other group that is different: gays, blacks, middle easterners, atheists, liberals, intellectuals, city dwellers ... the list is endless. We're proud of our ignorance and our hate. We are the new America. And we support Palin.

To be honest, this comment stung a bit AND I agreed with it. Truth has a funny way of being painful.

*any hateful comments about Obama will be deleted. That doesn't include thoughtful critiques.

The Modern Poll Tax?

2008-11-03T15:37:00.000-08:00

I saw this last night and my jaw dropped. How can this be possible in 2008?

Thank you Ms. Maddow.

Fact or Fiction

2008-10-29T10:06:00.000-07:00

I read this article yesterday and wondered what you guys thought?

Since, I'm rooting for the winning team, I don't know that I can have a valid opinion.

Do you think the negative press of John McCain is based on fact or fiction?

Please be honest in your answers. And I will not tolerate any hatred on this blog.

Thanks.

Our Children Can Fly

2008-10-28T16:29:00.000-07:00

I heard this on on NPR today.

Rosa sat
so
Martin could walk
Martin walked
so
Obama could run
and
Obama is running
so
Our children can fly

I'm Tired.

2008-10-28T11:13:00.001-07:00

Vote Early

2008-10-28T09:20:00.000-07:00

I can't stress this enough. If you want to avoid long lines, sore feet, back pain, gallons of frustration and loss of precious time, vote early.

In Utahthere are several places for you to go. It's fast and very convenient.

Please get up, get out and make your mark.

My (dear conservative) Friends

2008-10-21T13:01:00.001-07:00

I have a few questions for you and you have to answer the questions with factual answers. "because he said he wants to give every citizen health care" isn't a good enough answer.

1.Can you tell me why Barack Obama is a Socialist?

2. Do you realize that we already practice some forms of "redistribution of wealth" in this country?

3.Do you understand what a social democracy is? Please define it for me.

4. Why do you insist on using the word "socialist" as a pejorative? Many of our allies succesfully practice this form of government. Imagine me, as your freind, saying you are a horrible parent, your form of parenting is less superior to mine since you decided not to breastfeed, co-sleep, feed you child only organic vegetables. It would be an insult would it not?

To my liberal/progressive freinds, can you tell me how you have dealt with your conservative family/friends using this term? I'm having trouble discussing it with co-workers and could use everyones help.

thanks

Wednesday funny

2008-10-08T11:02:00.000-07:00

It's really sad that the next V.P. of the United States is Sarah Palin.

Republicans, you should be ashamed of yourself for supporting that woman.

America, you are better than that.

NHL in SLC

2008-10-07T10:40:00.000-07:00

For this first time in 10 years an NHL exhibition game was hosted at the E Center in West Valley. Sharks (3) vs Kings (1).

Exciting times for the Franti family.

here's the little miss at her first professional hockey game.

I haven't been to an NHL game in almost ten years. I used to see the Ducks play in Anaheim when I was a lass but at the time I didn't really know what was going on; I just liked the speed of the game. Then I met NF who was skating backwards when some of us were still riding "Incredible Hulk" big wheels. Many years later, I know how the game is played, I know the players, their numbers, their positions, their past teams and all sorts of stupid, utterly meaningless to my existence, facts about them. (I still have a major crush the retired Steve Yzerman.) Don't ask me how I retain all that gibberish either....I just do.

Unlike football or baseball or basketball where it's all about the star player, hockey is a genuine team sport that is played with incredible speed, intelligence, precision, and if your lucky, hard hits. Watching those men do what they do on a little pair of skates is damn impressive too. If you don't agree, spend an hour watching NF skate and see if you're not a little bit impressed at the skill it takes to maneuver on ice.

I only have a few regrets in life and one is not putting the kid in a pair of skates when she was teeny little grommet. ( then I would have actually have something in common with Sarah Palin other than brown hair and glasses) It would have been my college savings plan 'cause I'm sure those mid-west universities could use more female players. But alas, the child doesn't like to move beyond the top shelf of the refrigerator. Fortunately, she doesn't mind watching the a game with the family and asking good questions about the rules.

Almost makes me look forward to little grand-grommits.

Music for Democracy

2008-09-24T11:07:00.000-07:00

Can I have a minute of your time?

and another minute....

It's long, I know, but worth your time. At the end of his interview he is asked about what inspires him and he says it can be anyone or anything. Right now his hero is a woman in Bali who became a midwife. An average person who is making a difference in her community. That's his hero.

Community building is very important to me. I suppose that's why I put so much time and effort into fMh, my neighborhood garden and the local community radio station. Listening to Michael today was my inspiration that I, mfranti, the wife, mom, neighbor from Salt Lake, can put forth even more effort and hopefully do some good in this life.(read:I don't have to have mad guitar, singing, writing, photo skills do be worth something)

For those of you that are not familiar with Michael Franti or have recently been introduced to him (don't know how that could of happened) I'd really like to know your thoughts on this interview.

M

I like bikes. I like boys. I like boys on bikes a lot! But this...

2008-09-22T10:31:00.000-07:00

I really LOVE this!

(from the Economist)

on Palin

2008-09-16T11:25:00.001-07:00

If you haven't decided...

2008-09-11T13:07:00.000-07:00

OK...A Little More Monday Funny

2008-09-08T12:25:00.001-07:00

A Monday Morning Laugh

2008-09-08T10:09:00.000-07:00

it's unfortunate that the people who need to see this will never have the opportunity.

good news-finally

2008-08-28T14:48:00.000-07:00

What's better than finding an egg on the coop floor after a month of no eggs? 2 eggs in the nesting box a couple days later.

Monday, my RIR, Ruby, gave us a present, she layed her first egg next to a fake easter egg in the nesting box. Wednesday after work, I found two eggs in the nesting box. That means the Barred Rock, Violet took a cue from her sister-hen and chose to use the box.

This is great. I don't like searching the coop for eggs.

Up next to lay: The white hens. They are about 28 weeks and due any day.

Come on over for breakfast anytime! I will fry up some taters and scramble some eggs for you.

and i thought i took myself too seriously..

2008-08-27T08:53:00.000-07:00

wordpress account?

2008-08-18T10:11:00.000-07:00

hi guys,

i'm setting up a wordpress account.

those that read and comment here (thanks to all 3 of you), would you prefer i stay here at blogger or move over to WP?

let me know your thoughts.

M

calling BS

2008-08-14T21:00:00.000-07:00

why the fuss over all of of michael phelps' medals?

yep. i'm that crotchety old lady, the one that has a big bug up her ass that says it's not that big of a deal. he just has more options available to him. that's all.

i'm pretty sure that all of the sports in the olympics require the same amount of dedication, training and effort (some even have a higher danger factor) and yet there is only one medal to be won. i don't see the press giving all those athletes the same superstar, brad pitt kind of attention.

shame on you media! (c'mon i know better)

so there mister- i pod wearing, head bobbing, i'm too cool to talk to you because i've got lots of new bling around my neck and i'm the fastest swimmer in the world- phelps!!

i'm not that impressed. noticed i inserted, "that" into the sentence. i'm a swimmer too. i know you work hard. i know its a big accomplishment to win the races like you do. i just think you are getting way too much attention.

but you have a really nice body, so i will watch cos i'm easy that way.

blo(n)g weekend.

2008-08-11T18:24:00.000-07:00

apparently if you want to be a good blogger, you are supposed to write about stuff. i am not a good blogger.

but i will humor you and write about some stuff, my weekend to be exact. my very long, exhausting, totally full weekend.

i could write volumes and post lots of pictures but i'm lazy and still a bit hungover from "the weekend" so i will just give you a quick summary

FRIDAY:

i picked up G from downtown and we went shopping. we bought necklaces and bracelets and some fancy pants,( smells good for the earth or in other words overpriced ) cleaner for the house.

while we waited for lessie's bus to come in, g and i hiked up city creek in our chaco's

lessie, chandelle, g and I met up w/ kiami and johnr at the sheraton where we all piled into my car for dinner at the one world cafe (g, paid for me. she's a good date)

after dinner, we drove back to the sheraton to the bloggersnacker ( i don't "snack" anything) where we met lots of new people, got reacquainted with old people and talked and talked and talked and talked and talked and talked....until i couldn't function any more (see johnr's and G's pics)

after the blog mixer/party we walked the streets of slc looking to cause trouble, only last call is some pitiful time after 12am so we settled on a downtown bar where some of our party could have a 'taste".

somewhere around 2 am we dropped the boys off and headed back to my place where chandelle left us to go to her family(sure, use that as an excuse, chandelle) and me, g, and lessie proceeded to talk for another several hours.

SATURDAY:

because sleep isn't as important as friends, we were all up by 8 a.m.(feel free to correct me) i collected some bikes from our garage and we pedaled down to the farmers market where i bought fmhlisa a parasol, lessie a necklace and a really good latte from the coffee garden.

and because we didn't do enough talking the night before, we stopped and loitered (and talked) at the gateway for another couple of hours.

pedaled home to take showers and to attend the blogging panel at sunstone where i got to meet more people. this is where i reveled in the fact that janet is my friend and jana is someone i'm familiar with through the "nacle. apparently there was some other lady speaking and she's some sort of celebrity? oh, i thought janet and jana were the celebrities.

(btw, those two ladies are amazing!!!)

ummmm let's seee....

oh yeah, we did some more piling into my car- jana, john, galen, lessie, and ellen- and went to the 9th and 9th area for dinner only to talk some more. this time i got to chat with jana...all by myself (you have to understand, everyone is competing for "time" with everyone else and the noise level is atrocious)

said goodbye to lessie as she had to go down to utah county and stay w/ family, dropped off the remy's in sugarhouse, dropped of ellen at her hotel and slowly, cautiously and gratefully drove home.

only to get a call from bbh with an invitation to walk over to her sisters house (she lives in my hood) where we proceeded to talk some more...until midnight, i think.

g and i walked home where we cozied up in her futon AND talked some more until we passed out only to be scared awake by a crack of thunder.

once again, sleep being low on the priority list...

SUNDAY:

me and galen are up and dressed by 9 am so i suggest that i need a coffee from the maverick (why yes, i am a sinner of the worst kind. the kind that needs caffeine to wake me up and kill headaches)

so we pedal over to the mav, then to the mexican bakery for a pastry and then continue up the jordan river trail to a bridge where we, you guessed it, talk some more.

after our talk, we head over to the library and permaculture garden so g can get a better idea of my long range garden plan then over to the community garden will i pull some carrots out of the ground for her to snack on while she's traveling.

finally, i drop her off at the airport and feel sad that it's all over.

later....i discover that i have no friggen voice. in fact, i still don't have a voice and it's been over 24hrs.

phew....that was a lot of work.

good times.

wheels on the bus...

2008-08-06T17:44:00.000-07:00

all this discussion about paranoid parenting has finally pushed me over the edge to come out and admit to y'all that i am a bad parent.

a bad parent indeed! i don't allow my 14 year old, petunia, to own a cell phone and worse yet, i make her take the city bus to school, the library, to the mall, even to her friend's house 15 miles away.

yes, yes, i make my kid use that bus pass, her legs, a watch and good old common sense to explore her city and be a part of the community in which she lives.

ask anyone. if the kid wants to get somewhere...she's walking, busing or riding her bike.

now you might ask, why? don't you worry?

of course i worry. i'm a mom. it's my job. but it's also my job to teach the child how to be a functioning part of society. it's my job to teach her to think on her own, plan, prepare, be on time and most importantly, stand tall and confident in unfamiliar situations and nothing does that better than using public transportation.

i always knew i wouldn't be one of them shuttle moms. in fact, i've was never the hovering type so this was an easy decision for me, for us.

it's been great. i don't waste petrol driving my kid around and she learns how to use a public phone to let me know she's going to be a few minutes late.

i don't stress about getting to where i need to be and where she needs to be, and she learns how to walk with purpose, not like a victim.

i get to trust that my daughter is exactly where she says she is and she has the confidence that i trust her right back.

see folks, i'm not the kind of mother that insists on catering to my child's every whim. i don't go out of my way to make sure she has what she wants (sometimes, it's really hard not to. she is after all, my only child.) in fact i take pleasure in making things just a little more difficult for her. not because i'm a meanie but because i am doing her a favor by making her work just a little harder for the things she wants.

you may take offense at my mothering, that's all right by me. i did preface this post by saying i'm a bad parent. that's makes everyone else a good parent, no?

Look, Ma!

2008-08-04T10:19:00.000-07:00

Reading Chandelle's post about changing her mind on eggs reminded me that I too have changed my mind about certain foods. Vegetables in general and onions in particular.

It used to be that if an onion, even a tiny piece, contaminated any portion of my food, it was deemed unfit for consumption. Exclusions being onion rings and sauteed onions because they have been fried in so much oil and salt that they are no longer onions.

But a few weeks ago, I forgot to order my cheeseburger at the Appollo, sans oignon and surprisingly, I liked it. Initially, I thought it might just be that the crunchy-ness was masked by the lettuce and the flavor was drowned in the fry sauce, cheese and overall fat content.

So for fun, I kept experimenting with onions on my food discovering that they added something to it but not quite sure what it was. Until this past Friday, when I cut a sliver of a brown onion and popped it into mouth just to see if I could (because in my head that's really gross) and it was yummy. It was sweet and spicy but had just enough of each flavor to compliment each other.

Why is that? Did something happen to me as I've aged that changed how things taste to me? Or was it that some foods are considered "grown up" foods and I never grew up?

Or is that growing food, and being part of the process from seed to table, changes how I view things?

In the not so distant past, I would not eat (raw) carrots, cilantro, beets, sweet potatoes, eggplant, and many other things that grew out of the ground (except potatoes, of course) . But it seems now that standing in the sun and dirt and plucking an item right off it's vine is a signal to my brain that it's OK to try it. In fact, I feel obligated to try it because all that damn sunscreen burning my eyeballs has to be for a reason, right?

Now that I've grown fond of onions, it seems that a whole new world of food has been discovered, and I'm using and experimenting with the items from the community garden to create new meals except, I can't convince my family that the stuff that grows in the dirt is good to eat too.

What are the foods you dislike? And why?

What are some foods that you hated/ loved that you now love/hate?

What what would you love to eat but can't get your family to eat?

And if you are a magic parent, what have you done to get your kids to eat everything you serve them?

deep talk

2008-07-30T11:35:00.000-07:00

conversation about the new look for fMh:

me: are you still willing to redesign the site? mainly a new masthead and change of color. the pepto pink is old.

MR. mfranti : can i go with all grays?

me: sure, why not? put a little pink pin stripe in there for nostalgia.

MRmf: 'cuz nothing says feminism like all gray.

MRmf: do i get a girly fMh pink shirt as payment?

me: sure, if you want one but that's the old style, gray will be the new pink.

MRmf: it's the gender-less new wave-everybody can be special because nobody's different.

or is it that when everybody's special, then special no longer exists, so everybody's now normal

me

2008-07-29T18:54:00.000-07:00

so. for as much complaining as i do about the dark circles under my eyes or the size of that crater parked on my cheek, or that snaggle tooth that always seems to peek out from under my top lip when i'm not paying attention, i've decided that i prefer the real me over the enhanced me.

I don't know why that is but when i saw the enhanced me that did away all those "flaws", i felt like it did away mfranti. silly huh?

thanks G for making me look oh so priddy.

before:
after:

fyi: this picture was taken at The Cure concert, april 08.
i started listening to The Cure sometime in the mid 80's and I still have all of their tapes. (yes, i said tapes)

...and you should be damn impressed that i got mr.mfranti to come along. he's more of a megadeth/pantera/metallica kind of guy.

house keeping tip # 4

2008-07-29T09:22:00.000-07:00

(h/t quimby)

use a basket.

folks. me and mr. mfranti are notorious surface abusers. you'll not find another couple in the state who can take a flat surface and fill it with crap faster that we can. no surface is sacred.

now, we can all clear of the clutter in seconds and make the counters, kitchen table, desk look good but it usually requires another pile, somewhere typically out of site of visitors. so even though the kitchen, for example, looks neat and tidy, it usually means the basement looks like a super fund site.

first step in conquering clutter is to make sure everything has a home. this should be easy because if an item is important/useful/necessary, it will automatically have a home.

now to the basket. buy yourself, or reuse, a medium sized basket. not too big or else it becomes overwhelming and heavy and not too small or it's ineffective.

go into a room, say your front room, and fill up the basket. don't leave until the basket is full. now put stuff away starting with the room closest to your location. make sure that you put the item in its home. no exceptions. if you can't find a home for it, leave it in the basket and move on to the next room ending in the back of the house or on another floor. continue until the basket is empty or until you only have "homeless" items left over.

if you've done this correctly, you should be at the other end of the house or top or bottom floor. throw out the homeless items. you've walked through almost every room in your house, and didn't find a home for them so they are probably not important.

feels good doesn't it? it was easy, efficient and it didn't take much time.

what? why didn't you think of that years ago?

i don't know.

still feeling good? great. go fill up the basket again and repeat the process moving to the other end of the house.

be smart. do this daily and you will feel empowered by how much control you can maintain over the clutter.

bigest. deficit. ever.

2008-07-28T16:39:00.000-07:00

i'm starting to wonder why the anyone would want to move into this fixer upper.

what a mess! and i don't think my house keeping tips will help.

house keeping tip # 3

2008-07-28T15:11:00.000-07:00

if the outside temperature has been in the high 90's and you live in an old house without central air, make sure you check your bread thoroughly. i might even suggest storing it in the refrigerator.

there's nothing fun about the last bite of your peanut butter toast having a hint of summer's mold on it to ruin an afternoon snack.

house keeping tip # 2

2008-07-28T11:51:00.000-07:00

if you have a 60 year old tub...clean it regularly.

folks, i can't stress this one enough. mr mfranti and i are active people. that's a fancy way to say we get really dirty. especially our feet. all that good dirt and grime that accumulates after 10 hours in chaco sandals gets transferred to our overly porous tub where it sits shower after shower, layer upon layer, month after month.

to conquer this, i spent an inordinate amount of time with dish soap, laundry detergent, baking soda and some super fine steel wool scrubbing until my back couldn't bend over anymore.

to avoid this problem, keep a scrubby dude in your shower. during your regular bathing routine, like when you are lathering up or conditioning, use your foot to scrub off the dirt. do this regularly and you wont have to suffer the way i did.

also, keep a squeegee in your shower to wipe off the water after your shower. trust me, you will save yourself a lot of grief if you do this daily.

house keeping tip #1

2008-07-28T11:43:00.000-07:00

do not swap out your down comforter's duvet cover at 1:00 a.m.

it's best to leave such frustrating tasks for the early morning, before you've spend your day toiling away in the hundred degree weather. before the unnecessary trips to crowded stores because you have to get the proper storage container and before you've scrubbed your 60 year old tub.

on laziness...

2008-07-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

every once in a while i think i'm going to publish something of value on this blog and then i realize that it requires way too much brain effort.

what can i say that hasn't already been said? exactly! so why bother, i am, after all, mediocre.

so on that note. i'm sitting here getting all sorts of philosophical with some friends* about life and politics and social issues and i realize, i'm so lazy that i don't like to be bothered by connecting enough words together to form a coherent sentence, and that's why i make friends with really smart people.

they can write about all the important crap i'm way too lazy to put into text and i can sit back and enjoy, and often marvel, at their fine work.

phew!!!! glad i got that out of the way.

*chandelle, g, lessie

Mr. Woo 3/11/08-7/23/08

2008-07-24T08:23:00.000-07:00

Mr. Woo, 4 months , died suddenly July 23, 2008, in a tragic urban farm accident.

He is survived by his five biddies, Violet, Ruby, Blanche, Dorothy and Sophia.
He is currently resting peacefully on the worktable out back awaiting de-feathering services.

Please join us for chicken enchiladas at the Franti residence 7/24/08 at 6:00pm.

yeggs

2008-07-21T10:45:00.000-07:00

so exciting! so exciting!

i've waited a long time for one of these so you can imagine my surprise when i saw this little dude sitting in the chook's doghouse sunday after church.

the first eggs are really small. see it next to a regular egg.

(please go easy on my photo skills-i'm not the artist in the family)

when i get around to cooking it, i will take a picture of it's lovely yolk.

in other chicken news...

i attempted to segregate mr. woo from the hens yesterday and possibley wring his neck. and damn, if he didn't piss me off enough to do so. he's always the last to go in the dog house and always the first to run out. this time he got out and into my corn.

i was mad. frustrated beyond all reason (you try catching an aggressive rooster). i could grabbed a rock and stoned him to death that's how frustrated i was. by the time i wore him out, or scared him into submission, i couldn't do anything. there he was, cowering under some branches, squawking out of fear and i couldn't do anything except grab him by his feet and take him to the other cage.

i think it was his warm body that had me thinking i couldn't take the life of this critter.

damn.

i will try again later.

quiche

2008-07-21T10:02:00.000-07:00

for some reason julie rose inspires me. i copy her all the time. cookies, clothes, fancy tea- doesn't matter to me, i trust her judgment.

so when i saw the beautiful quiche on her blog, i had to make one of my own. not bad for my first time. and oh so yummy!

thanks darlin'. miss you.

It's All Your Fault, Bodie

2008-07-15T17:57:00.000-07:00

i've decided that i'm going to blame the dog for the gas prices, the housing problems, inflation, terrorism, my big toe.

if i've learned anything from the current occupant and this administration (or any government official), I can blame anyone for anything and it doesn't even have to make sense. i don't have to have an opinion based on anything logical. in fact, i can even deny any thing is wrong in the first place and then i don't even have to blame bodie.

but it's still bodies fault.

and here's the best part-he doesn't complain. he just sits at my side with with big eyes and a pink tongue hanging out of his mouth.

doin' a heckuva job bodie!

"Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler... "

2008-07-14T13:35:00.000-07:00

I do my best to not be negative on this blog. I try not to complain about petty little things. I try to see the good in everything.

But I've had it. I can't take it anymore. There is no good to come of this.

Last August, When I got the promotion, I should have taken Mr. Bossman up on the new office.

But no....I wanted to stay up front, where I could do both jobs. Am I sick? Would appear so.

Actually, I'm a control freak. I didn't want some cute little ditz to come in and fill "my"position and then have to hear about how shitty she is from the guys. So I stayed up front where I can continue to get the good Home Depot coupons and make sure that "my job" gets done properly.

Now, I am regretting that decision. Not because I'm overwhelmed. Not because I can't do it.

But because I'm sick of people taking my shit. What the hell people!?!

Just because I don't have a door on my office doesn't mean I don't mind you taking my pens, rulers, calculators and all manner of office supplies. Because I do. I really do mind when you open my drawers and look for something you think you have to have without asking. I do mind when you hover about my desk and have juvenile discussions about politics, religion or last weekends trip when I am on the phone.

This is my office and just as I wouldn't walk into your office (you know, the office that has a door and a lock?) and shuffle through your stuff without asking, I expect the same of you. I'm asking for a modicum of respect when it comes to my workspace. Ok?

Now back the bleepity bleep off and stay the bleepity bleep away from my stuff!

/end rant

NOT SO GOOD HOUSEWIFE

2008-07-11T10:44:00.001-07:00

As a 1930s wife, I am
Poor

Take the test!

Mr. Woo

2008-07-08T08:12:00.000-07:00

I don't know what was different this morning compared to yesterday morning but whatever it was, it made Mr. Woo sing. It was a pleasant crow too, just as the sun was coming up. Perfect timing for the wannabe city farmer that needs to get her butt up to finish her fall and winter beds.

Fortunately/unfortunately, he's not going to delight us with his internal alarm clock much longer. Yesterday, I noticed him being a bit aggressive with my red hen, Ruby, and who knows what other kinds of mischief my teenage cockerel has been causing when I'm not looking. Besides, he's skiddish and wont let me anywhere near him so it's good timing because I've been preparing myself to get rid of him since I noticed his comb was bigger than the others- months ago. His crowing is the absolute line in the sand. It's time to say goodbye to Mr. Woo.

Part of saying goodbye is to take his life. Culling is a typical practice on the farm and even though I don't actually have a farm, I do have a desire to prepare a meal (mostly) from my own backyard. I'd like to be able to be (mostly) self reliant (for a million reasons that we can discuss in the comments). I know what to do and technically, I know how to do it too but...

But I'm afraid that when I take the knife to his neck, a part of me will die with him.

I'm afraid of losing a sensitivity to life that I've always had for all creatures, even spiders and other creepy crawly things. Hell, I couldn't stand the thought of unwanted mice suffering with a broken neck in my kitchen, so I adopted a cat...I (we, familia Franti) do not care for cats.

Although a quick and easy solution is to find a neighbor who is willing to "take" him for me, it will only be a temporary solution. In time, it will be one of hens' turn at the chopping block and I am positive that will be far more difficult because I like my hens. So now I vacillate between what I want to accomplish, what needs to be done, the options, the long term solution and the short term fix.

Any of you have experience with this? Any suggestions for the first time rooster murderer?

Also, anyone out there considering the urban farm and self reliance ? What are your reasons?

Maybe I am just making a bigger deal out of this than I need to. Yeah. That's probably it- I'm a chickenshit.

Walkable Communities

2008-07-07T14:04:00.001-07:00

At the very last minute, I booked a couple nights at a condo in Park City for me and mr. mfranti over the 4th O' July holiday. Park City is a place that I typically have no interest in visiting except for events held at the Resort or maybe a trip to Kimball Junction to hit up the Pearl Izumi outlet. In this instance, I had nothing going on for the holiday weekend, the room was cheap, the drive was 30 minutes and it's about 10-15 degrees cooler than than the high 90's forecasted. Seems like a good reason to suck it up and go, no?

So....I have to reluctantly admit that I was pleasantly surprised. Park City is, despite its opulence and wealth and it's determination to make everything look the same, very charming. It's also a very walkable community, the big bright spot of my weekend. I parked my car on Friday, unloaded the mountain bikes and didn't drive until we left on Sunday.

Now, I understand that because it's a tourist destination, it makes sense that condos are tucked right into shopping/retail/office space, that all buses run from Kimball Junction to the resorts and main street, that there's a place to eat (and drink) every few hundred yards and that there's all sorts of bike/walk trails designed to get the traveling pedestrian/bike commuter to _________.

What I don't understand is why it is so difficult to duplicate this in every community. Why aren't our city leaders trying to (re)design similar cities? My very unsophisticated (and mediocre) brain says this kind of city planning is a revenue generator or in other words, "good for business." If John Doe can walk to the local market/restaurant/bar, he will buy more chips/food/beer. and he will do it frequently and as a perk, he wont be taking up space on the roadways.

I know we are attached to our cars, nothing is going to change that and I'm not asking for a major overhaul, just a little more planning, re-planning and a focus on building neighborhoods.

cafe au lait off...

2008-07-02T16:08:00.001-07:00

i likes my coffee. ain't no denying that. and yeah, i'm a sucker for the overpriced light mint mocha chip frappuccino that comes from the giant corporate whore that it is starbucks.

now, i ain't no financial know it all either, but when the the starbucks started popping up on every corner in the salt lake valley, my head shook and i had to laugh. not because coffee wouldn't sell well in our mormon mecca. au contraire...the faithful need to have a vice and i think the next step up from a diet coke is a frothy coffee smoothie--yum yum (i'm proof!)

i had to laugh because it was only a matter of time before all those trendy coffee houses would take a hit from our stellar economy.

so this morning when I awoke to news that starbucks would be closing 600 stores, i had a good snicker because my prediction was spot-on and then i felt a pang of sadness for the thousands of college students trying to squeeze out a buck and hopefully a better life in the process.

sigh

gratitude

2008-07-02T13:10:00.001-07:00

i am back to the office after 24 hrs of a sudden onset of food poisoning. (i think)

you know, it's being sick like that- the kind of sick where your skin hurts and you've purged everything in your system and you can do nothing but rock back and forth and hope that it will be over with soon-that reminds one to be grateful for their continued health.

many times yesterday, as i was writhing in pain and hunched over my toilet, my mind would turn to those poor souls undergoing chemotherapy and i would remind myself to stop complaining because this too shall pass.

but i also realized something else. those folks who fight with everything they've got for their lives are better people than i am. frankly, i don't know if i could survive cancer. i don't know if i could put up the fight necessary. it seems like it would a lot easier to just lay down and die.

i am in no way suggesting that my little 24hrs of food poisoning is anything like the suffering of those with cancer.

and that is precisely my point.

i knew my sickness was temporary. i knew that i was experiencing only a fraction of someone else's pain and i knew that tomorrow, i will be back to normal and it was still almost more than i could take. if i knew that i was going to undergo that for months at a time...i might have just quit. which doesn't seem fair to my family but damn...

how people survive it is a mystery to me and one that i shall not take for granted.

god be with my brothers and sisters who at this time are fighting for their lives in one of the most horrible ways possible.

it's you, dear friends, that remind me to be grateful for the day ahead of me.

Summer Soltice

2008-06-27T10:05:00.000-07:00

If you read this blog enough, you know I love Ani Difranco. I almost always have the lyrics and song posted on the side blog and my Sansa will always have at least three of her albums on it. It's been this way for almost 10 years. (damn you Matt!)

Guess you can say I'm just like every other chick out there. And so what if I am? We have damn good taste in music. So it should come as no surprise that I caught her Summer Solstice show at Library Square last Friday and I hate to admit it, I'm a bit disappointed.

The lines were chaotically long and she was late. So late that her set was short.

But I'm not disappointed for those reasons. As nice as it was to see her live, nothing comes close to having her words and her pickin' in my head, all to myself, while I am boarding or cycling or doing whatever activitating I'm doing...it's her brand of motivation that I'm after. It's her way of making the female feel empowered by the use of her tongue. It's the way she can phrase something in a song that I can only hear when it's just me and her in the intimate space between my ears.

I was disappointed but only because I had to share her with the rest of the inter- mountain west.

So back to life and back to the headphones...where its just me and Ms. Difranco

record me

2008-06-20T10:25:00.000-07:00

so you all know i did the radio thing on wednesday. i may not have said much because my co-bloggers are just so brilliant (and deserved all the air time) but when i did speak i was calm and didn't sound nervous. i was very nervous.

anyways. i just went back and hear the interview again and i've decided that i like my radio voice. this is a big deal to me because i don't like my voice when i hear it on the answer phone.

i'm thinking i might have to follow julie's example and do some recordings of books for the nephews (yes, they are all boys), practice my special talent of voices and sounds, and then maybe do something on an actual radio station-again.

thanks to all that listened. your positive feedback was much appreciated.

anecdote: when i was in the 5th or 6th grade i was asked by a substitute teacher about career ambitions. i said that i would like to be an announcer on the radio.

his reply: well, you have to have have a good voice for that.

now i realize that he might have been stating the obvious but it really did hurt my feelings ( it must have- i can still remember the room and tone of his voice) shortly thereafter, i decided that i would be a record producer instead-as you can see...that worked out.

new love

2008-06-17T09:29:00.001-07:00

i knew she was out of place in the line up of furniture, rugs and building materials that are typical of a salvage and freight recovery store, but when i saw her my palms got sweaty and my heart started to race.

i just knew something was wrong. i mean,
what's a nice girl like her doing in place like that? didn't they know she didn't belong there?

she's pretty enough all on her own with her beautiful black lines, fully enclosed chain guard and chrome handlebars but the the leather brooks saddle was a dead giveaway that i had indeed found a jewel in a mine of chaos.

so what did i do? i left thinking that it was way
too much money to spend on another bike- until i got home and realized that she was one high priced lady and really hard to come by in the states.

you should have seen me holding my breath and rushing back to the store to take her home. there was just a little anxiety happening on that five mile drive because i was sure that she had gone home with some other person and all my traffic violations were in vain.

but to my surprise she was right where i left her- waiting behind the patio furniture. her price tag was too high for the other competition and the better woman won.

so...here i am. it's monday and we've spent the entire weekend together visiting neighbors and friends, riding into the city to eat and cruising liberty park. it seems we are a good match too. she likes all the attention from the public and i get to pedal around the city in style.

new love, even if fleeting, is a wonderful thing.

rights for all?

2008-06-16T15:39:00.000-07:00

From the Declaration of Independence:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

except if you are _____________________.

i just don't have anymore to say. i'm tired. i'm frustrated and i just don't have anything left.

Little Red Riding Hood 08-Update

2008-06-09T21:31:00.000-07:00

80 miles is a long way to ride. Yes indeed.

And my lazy self wouldn't be bothered to ride more than 12 miles a day, a few days a week in preparation for the Little Red Riding Hood Cycling event- and this is NOT the way to properly prepare tender parts for six hours in the saddle. Seriously, it's like having a stick up your crotch for a really long time. Everything hurts, specifically my legs but dammit! it was worth it- even with the 40 degree temps, crosswinds and rain, the Cache Valley in the spring is a sight to behold. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with silly romantic ideas of snowcapped mountains, rural farmhouses and two lane country roads and yeah... I'm a sucker.

And then there's the women! So many beautiful women in all their various shapes and sizes, old women, young girls, even moms with babies, all determined to do their best. It's certainly an experience I'll not soon forget. How can it not be great to see average women comfortable in spandex and in their bodies, in the great outdoors? Never happens. I consider myself fortunate to be around that kind of confidence.

However wonderful this event was, it was not always about fun. I find it disgustingly satisfying to push myself beyond what I think, or know, I can do and finish because I have no other option- the bathroom is at the finish line. (or maybe I finished because I refuse to let a women 20 years my senior kick my butt? Haven't quite worked that one out yet. camaraderie or competitiveness? hmmm...)

But now that it's over and I've had time to think, I'm convinced the real reason I did the ride is for the food orgy-it's phenomenal! At my chubby fingertips was all manner of junk food, subway sandwiches and fruit. A menu to extensive too list here and all I had to do was give the Bonneville Bicycle and Touring Club 50 dollars and pedal an obscene distance. It was a simple concept and one of the few times I could fully justify gorging on Oreo cookies and Red Vines because- hey, I was going to burn several thousand calories in a few hours time. I love a rational argument.

Ladies, let us not forget that there was a time in our history as women, when it was considered taboo and unacceptable behavior for a lady to participate in sporting events. Now, we have the privilege of getting just as sweaty and smelly as we want.

May you take that gift from our feminist foremothers and find an activity that gets your heart rate up, makes your body ache and makes you feel like a queen.

Now, go out and do it!

Bicycling has done more to emancipate women than anything else in the world. I stand and rejoice every time I see a woman ride on a wheel. It gives women a feeling of freedom and self-reliance."

-Susan B. Anthony, suffragist, 1896

bad day.

2008-06-05T13:50:00.000-07:00

monday i ordered toner for my ancient copier and it just got off the plane today and into my hands. i followed the instructions, shook the tube, up-down and side-to-side and then i looked at the little tab and said "this is going to be messy", quickly dismissed my thoughts and pulled the tab. because that's what the directions said to do.

last i remember was a plume of black smoke heading for straight for my face and then....blackout. when i took off my glasses to survey the damage, nothing but black all over the walls, copier, tables; the entire kitchen was a mess and i worried how i was ever going to clean it up.

of course, i wanted to cry because i'm all alone and completely covered from head to toe in black soot. i looked like i just came out of a coal mine. my new, polysester, fly collar shirt from the D.I- completely trashed.

so i head to the bathroom to clean up and the thought occurred to my pathetic self that instead of just telling my co-workers about my afternoon, a proper viewing is in order because everyone can use a good laugh at 3:30 in the afternoon.

here's me taking on for the team. have a good laugh. on me.

hey, i get some new clothes, compliments of tsc out of this.

2008-05-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

i could give 2 poops if/what/how kids use the net, but i don't like hannah using it so much because its consuming too much room in her already free-thinking-is-for dorks brain.

niel and i have a low tolerance for media in our home. the internet is on a need to use basis and so is the phone. television is for watching movies or a special treat after all homework/chores/ect has been completed.

the quote above is from our typical afternoon chat. belle sent us an email-something to do with fan box-and we were both annoyed, to say the least.

are we wacked because we wont allow our kid to have a cell phone or unchecked use of the internet?

holy shit! we've become our parents!!!

suprise!

2008-05-29T20:46:00.000-07:00

late last summer i pulled up the grass on my park strip. the official name is called rip your strip. i started to rip but decided that was way too much work so i put down some cardboard, collected tons of organic material and hauled dirt from a neighbors house to mine. i did some broadcast seeding of alfalfa and clover to put some nitrogen into the soil, added some random stuff from the beds near the house, planted some radishes to breakup the soil, gave it some water and waited.

sounds easy, doesn't it? well it wasn't. most days were over 100 degrees and hauling the dirt was exhausting because i made a couple of hill/mounds to add "interest"( = dozens of trips up to the neighbors). i might add that i had little to no help during this project.

well, look what i got come spring:

he happened to show up just as i done taking pics.

it seems the soil i used had some poppy seeds in it. what a pleasant surprise. it could have been a lot worse! (the cornflower was a gift from fMh artemis)

you know, it may not be the most "designed" park strip in the 'hood but dammit, it sure is the prettiest.

next up: pulling all the poppies out before they seed and planting the new stuff i got for mother's day.

two mommies

2008-05-29T16:00:00.000-07:00

Note: i'm a little overdue on this posting since i meant to publish it 4/19/08

i've added two new girls to the club. a rhode island red and a barred rock. they are about 10-11 weeks old and beautiful. last night, the golden girls got to have a mama take care of and keep them warm for the very first time. cutest damn thing i ever saw too. four good size chicks (about the size of a small pigeon) huddling under one medium sized red hen. She could barely stay on top of them and when she'd fall off, the chicks would slide underneath her until they felt secure. good thing it didn't take long for the barred rock hen to pitch in on the mommy duties.

hey, my chicks have two mommies. isn't that against my religion?

3/13/08-this is what the white ones looked like when i first got them at a couple of days old

4/19/08 (I've built them a real home since this picture was taken)

seems chickens don't like their picture taken. they are always on the move

to my two fans...

2008-05-29T14:06:00.000-07:00

because two hits on my site meter is better than none.

thanks for playing along with me.

m

personal progress

2008-05-22T11:39:00.000-07:00

most 14 year olds girls are not known for their wisdom or their ability to see the big picture. no, they've got more important things to worry about like friends, boys and hair. (hair being the most important issue of any day)

but every once in a while, my typical, often self absorbed teenager says something that makes me proud and reminds me that despite all of the cons of raising a teenage girl, there are some pros that give way to tons of hope.

last night the young women went on a service scavenger hunt and as we were near the end of our evening with only seven minutes to go, i suggested that we go to a house we missed on the way up the street.

one of the other young women said "well, they aren't LDS" and as i was about to suggest that we should be willing to knock on any door, not just the familiar ones, my belle sighs heavily, rolls her eyes and says:

that's not right! we can and should serve everyone in our neighborhood.

her statement was a little more dramatic than i prefer but i was impressed with her thinking and her willingness and ability to speak up in a crowd for what she thought was right.

although i'm not positive she would have had the same courage if i wasn't present, i do believe it's a a step in the right direction.

next lesson: tact.

earth day.

2008-04-22T13:23:00.000-07:00

happy earth day now go take the bus or train to work. can't do that? ride your bike.
if you are like me, and lazy and have to drive (because 5 miles is just too far to walk)make sure your car is aligned and the tires are full of air and in good condition. and while you are at it, clean out the trunk and back seat of your car. driving around that extra stuff reduces your gas mileage and increases you emissions.

next, plant a tree in your back yard (or two or three). if you can't do that, buy a tree and leave it in a container on your porch. buy some plants too, they clean the air around you and enhance your well being.

i won't bother with only buying locally produced stuff because for many of us, that's just not an option. what is an option is for most of us is eating simply. we eat a lot of grains, tortillas and eggs. not a lot of meat/dairy and lots of beans. which brings me to my next to do:

if you have the space, look into chickens and grow your own produce. chickens enhance any organic gardeners backyard in so many ways that it would require a whole 'nother post.(which i plan to do, complete with pictures.) Chickens also give you little gifts in the form of an egg that has been laid by a free range, bug eating, dirt scratching chicken. how can you beat that? and do i even have to mention how much better food tastes when in comes from your own yard and from the sweat of your brow?

lastly, reuse as much as you can. this includes, finding treasures in your neighborhood trash collection, browsing craiglsist, using freecylcle and looking around your own yard to see how you can re-purpose that pile of scrap wood left over from last years shed project. in my case, i built a 10'x4'x3' chicken tractor for the biddies on less than 60 bucks ( for mesh and fencing)

ok. that's enough. i will step down (i never really got up) and let you think about what you can do to reduce your consumption of mother earth.

dear lessie

2008-04-18T08:55:00.000-07:00

i now this has been a rough couple weeks for you and my thoughts are with you always. i hope you find time to meditate and reflect on the changes and look for the way that you can turn the negative energy and experiences into something positive. AND...try to remember that even though it's hard to see it from where you are now, better times lay ahead.

you are an intelligent woman with a heart the size of california and you will be of much good to your community and family.

so, keep a positive outlook, know that your friends are cheering you on as you do your best to be a great mother, partner, daughter, sister.

love,

m

for love of ...

2008-04-17T19:19:00.000-07:00

my goodness!! i just looked at the date of my last post and realized it's been forever since i updated this thing. so no great mind blowing posts here-no. what i have for you is a quick update of the last two or three weeks.

my bidies have all their feathers so they are out of the bathroom and into a poorly constructed pen/coop area that i created on the fly last night. i also added a couple of new girls to the mix. they are older, bigger and way prettier. i'm also clearing paths in my superfund site of a back yard hoping that the girls will eat all the weeds in the next two weeks. ( i can hope)

the snowboard season is over as of last week and i predict that i will have all sorts of anxiety come friday since i won't get to head up the canyon for my weekly ride. i guess i can continue to work on the coop and continue the cleaning but that's not nearly as fun.

it's playoff season. that means that the soundtrack to my evenings includes announcer's voices, cheering fans and bad 90's butt rock music. good times. (actually i like hockey, just not every night) it also means that dh is compeltely busy the whole night flipping through every game. this gives me incentive to continue working outside.

i should be training for the little red riding hood century but i just can't bring myself to 1. wake up early and hit the trainer and 2. ride after work when i have so much work to do. i've got way too many excuses, don't i?

we are going to arches next weekend with fmhlisa and fam. that means i have to clean my house and my back yard because lisa is a gardening diva and i would be ashamed for her to see the mess.

and...i've been so busy with fMh and my yard that I haven't had much time devote to you guys.

love you all.

M

i sold out to nielson

2008-03-28T18:07:00.001-07:00

i never read junk mail but i was intrigued by the "Nielson Media Research" that appeared on the return address label. I figured it was a survey and guess what, i was right.

anyways...if you get one, open it, you will find five one dollar bills inside and only a few questions.

testing....

2008-03-25T12:13:00.000-07:00

ahhh.. spring is finally here and it's time to saddle up and ride. yes, kids, it's that time of year when we (especially those of us who live in Utah) take our lives into our handle bars and brave the streets for a little fun, a little exercise and a lot of saddle soreness.

so pay attention, there will be a quiz to follow.

My top 10 snowboard rules/observations

2008-03-24T20:26:00.000-07:00

10. No smoking on the chairlift.
9. Chair lifts without a foot rest suck.
8. Hat gap is uncalled for.
7. Cell phone usage- including texting - is criminal. If you want to hang out and chat, do it in the valley
6. Always assume that skiers will cut you off.
5. Jeans are not and never have been meant for snow sports.
4. Landing on your head hurts.
3. One must make sacrifices to the snow gods regularly-children and small pets are acceptable
2. There are no friends on a powder day
1. Never, ever, call last run.

please let me know if I left anything of the list.

nothing

2008-03-20T19:48:00.000-07:00

DH in a response to a beer commercial during a hockey game: it's a good thing we have pop culture-
otherwise we wouldn't know that men are low brow.
****
On the way home from work I stop at the Flying J Travel Station to drop off a FEDEX envelope. A woman has just finished fueling up her Hummer and proceeds to drive 15 feet away to the mini mart.
****
Belle: I like my birthday!
***
Girl in the clothing store is talking so loud on her cell phone that I am able to her on the other side of the store. She's discussing all manner of important items, like dates, dances and church meetings. I make my way over to the accessory aisle, pick out a pair of cotton athletic socks and walk over to said young woman and offer her the socks--to put in her mouth, of course.
***
yes, i do think i am better than everyone else.

sea turtles and interstate 15

2008-03-14T21:11:00.000-07:00

This is also posted on fMh.

I saw my first "body" tonight.
As I sat in the passenger seat of my little sedan, I saw a white sheet covering the distinct outline of a male body. First his hips, then his arms and lastly his head. Left uncovered, was a right leg and and shoe-less foot; the sock, halfway off.
My heart sank.

I quickly scan the scene expecting to find the mangled evidence of death but I didn't see one. There was nothing but flashing lights and fire trucks, police and witnesses talking, but still no car, just a lone body on the cold asphalt with no one tending to it.
My heart sank further.

At that moment, I am reminded of how I feel when I'm driving alone on the interstate:

Like a baby loggerhead turtle trying to get off the beach, trying to make it into the surf knowing predators are all around waiting to devour her soft defenseless two inch body. There’s no strategic planning, no tactic employed-for her its just a numbers game and a race against the clock that gets her into the surf and eventually into the ocean, where again, another battle to survive awaits.

I'm that baby turtle, all two inches of me, heading west bound on the interstate towards home. I can’t see my predator coming, but I know he is there, lurking. Is he in the form of an oncoming SUV? Or is he a patch of ice? Perhaps he's a semi-truck that’s lost control? I don't know.
I don't know when he will come to devour my little car and I will be no more.

I realized in that moment when I saw that man's body, covered and alone on the ground, that he _is_ somebody's father. He _is_somebody’s son. He _is_ somebody's husband whose wife is waiting for him to come home. She is waiting for his call to say he is running later than expected; tonight he will not call but the phone will ring and I am left with great sadness for the remainder of the drive.

So here I am, sitting in my room. The warm acute consciousness I experienced 15 minutes ago vanished when I entered the doorway to my house-the smell of home providing the safety of retreat. I realize that we humans, despite our weak and feeble bodies, have something on those little turtles; we live with the hope that we will overcome the odds and make it another day.

seven am

2008-03-14T14:33:00.000-07:00

seven am

not fully dark--just before sunrise
motionless streets and silent houses
flocked trees and glittering sidewalks

i feel guilty; my shoes leave a trace
i feel refreshed; my lungs draw the frigid air
i feel at peace; my soul delights in the beauty that surrounds me

poochie update

2008-03-06T12:18:00.000-08:00

shortly after i posted bodie's obituary, i felt inspired to skip my usual friday routine of snowboarding and headed straight down to the animal control.

there he was, in the last batch of kennels in the back of the building. just staring at me as if to say, "i'm sorry- i won't be bad anymore." i didn't recognize him. i had seen so many yellow dogs in my search that he looked like another dog that looked like my dog. and his reaction to me was less than i anticipated. he was rather subdued. i expected a spaztic bodie, one that was thrilled to see me. one that knew he was gonna be rescued.

so, i gave him a few hand signals and sure enough, he responded like a pro. man i love that kid.

SO--i thought if i changed to the title of that blog post and a few words, it would just sound like i was expressing gratitude for my dog.

sorry if i mislead you.

figuring it out too....

2008-03-04T13:31:00.001-08:00

Dear G,

i miss you. i miss your daily posts. i miss you comments on fMh.

please come back.

love,

m

fng

2008-03-03T20:38:00.000-08:00

new guy: is that NPR?

me: yeah (reaching to turn it down) is it too loud? i try to keep it low so it doesn't bother folks.

new guy: no-not too loud. so are you a hillary supporter?

folks. what's wrong with this exchange?

Ode to Bodie: Update-he's been found!

2008-02-20T20:48:00.001-08:00

never in the history of dogs has there been a more loyal member to the human family. he didn't rescue buried skiers in snow, nor did he lead the blind or heal the sick. no, he just wagged his tail every morning to our voices when we woke and greeted us at the door--every time. even if it was to check the mail...he was happy to see us. he made us laugh on a daily basis by doing "broncos", eating cat poo, skidding on the hardwood floor, submitting to the cat and being the "tough-dog" when someone would come to the door.

he experienced our joy and happiness and felt our pain equally. he never complained (except when he was outside and knew something fun was going on inside the house) he camped with us, hiked with us, XC skied with us, swam with and slept with us. yes, he is every bit a member to our family. when i found bodie, he was a skinny, sickly, dirty yellow dog from Wasatch Humane. I had no intention of adopting a dog but i thought i could just "look" and possibly walk some of the dogs as a gesture of kindness. after visiting with some of the dogs-none of them making an impression, i came across "Lincoln". we went for a little walk around the neighborhood where nf was living at the time hoping to catch him at home. we actually ran into him on the street and from there continued to walk the dog. there was something about this pooch that we loved so we opted to foster him for a few months. after a bath and some medication, we knew he was ours.

many hours of patience have gone into this dog. he's crapped sick dog poo all over the house many times. he's chewed on my car's seat belts, he's destroyed furniture, clothes books and more. he sheds in the summer, he sheds in the winter, hell he sheds all the figgen time. he brings dirt and mud into the house, he smells, he whines to go out, he whines to come in.

with the exception of mud, dirt and fur tumbleweeds on the floor, bodie has been the most well behaved, docile, and willing to be trained animal i have ever worked with. because of him, i've started fostering shelter dogs and training them so that they have a better chance at adoption.

bodie is and has been the center of our home. he's often the glue that unites the family. might sound strange but there's something about the humility of a dog to remind you to be human.

we love you mr. pink!

love momma, papa, and sister

solitude

2008-02-12T19:36:00.000-08:00

what's better than a friday spent in the mountains on really good snow?

a paid day off, a free lunch and lift pass and my best riding friend...compliments of a large banking institution.

week end

2008-01-31T18:02:00.000-08:00

this is what nf and I did friday:

and as a family on saturday night:

looks like more of the same, right? well kinda. the saturday night show was better (and i thought the friday night show rocked) the only downside for me was standing in a 1'x1' space back stage on account of belle being a minor.

being a rather large fly on the wall has its advantages, though. like, i learned that those who perform need to be told what city they are in

(that's will daily of boston on stage)

and there are vital tools required for a successful show

...and hydration is a must

these are my two favorites. i really love michael's guitar straps.

but really, the best part of the night was watching my 14 year old marvel at being under age in a 21 and over nightclub (she was back stage where it's legal) hanging out in the green room conversing with bona-fide rock stars and finally, finally meeting uncle mike.

to all of you that I offered tickets too-- you missed two great shows and I missed you!

Good things this week

2008-01-24T19:28:00.000-08:00

i'm not a big shopper mostly because i hate being a consumer but sometimes you just got to break down, swallow your principles and get that new "thing" you think you gotta have. this week i helped the local economy a bit more than ususal and spent some of that money sitting in the bank.

so heres the first purchase i made: get'm get'm guitar strap. can anyone tell me what i like about this?

second guitar related purchase. shubb capo bar. i had no idea! i can't believe it took me so long to get one. anyways, i plan to make many beautiful hours of music with this little piece of metal and rubber.

last Friday I finally dragged my ass to the eye doctor and look what i got. i feel pretty, oh so pretty.
and:

and this was my little project tuesday night. henna. what a friggin mess. i smelled like a barn for two days,even with my hair up in a bun. but this morning i let it down and this is what i got. wow! thank you chandelle for talking me into it. it feels great. it looks great and i only smell like a chicken coop now.

Animal

2008-01-22T20:48:00.000-08:00

More and more there is this animal
Looking out through my eyes
At all the traffic on the road to nowhere
At all the shiny stuff around to buy
At all the wires in the air
At all the people shopping
For the same blank stare
At america the drastic
That isolated geographic
That's become infested with millionaires

When you grow up surrounded
By willful ignorance
You have to believe
Mercy has its own country
And that it's round and borderless
And then you have to grow wings
And rise above it all
Like there
Where that hawk is circling
Above that strip mall

More and more there is this animal
Looking out through my eyes
Seeing that animals only
take from this world
What they need to survive
But she is prowling through all
the religions of men

Seeing that time and time and time again
Their gods have made them
Special and above
Nature's law
And the respect thereof

And I think when you grow up surrounded
By willful ignorance
You have to believe that mercy
has its own country
And that it's round and borderless
And then you just grow wings
And rise above it all
Like there where that hawk is circling
Above that strip mall

Ask any eco-system
Harm here is harm there
And there and there
And aggression begets aggression
It's a very simple lesson
That long preceded any king of heaven
And there's this brutal imperial power
That my passport says I represent
But it will never represent
where my heart lives
Only vaguely where it went

Cause I know when you grow up surrounded
By willful ignorance
You learn that mercy has its own country
And that it's round and borderless
And then you just grow wings
And rise above it all
Like there
Where that hawk is circling
Above that strip mall

-Ani Difranco

it sounds so good to me...

2008-01-21T11:12:00.001-08:00

driving my little red jetta
the sunroof open
90 miles per hour
on the toll road to mountains where the air is so...clean

away from the city
along the winding roads
up to where i would experience one of the most important times of my life.
it was a turning point.
finally able to experience a childhood
a youth
becoming independent
of him.

it's so damn powerful...the music

there i am again
driving around the city...the music is so loud
and i'm barely aware of anything
except how good the sunshine feels on my face.

it's so damn powerful...the music

i'm there now.
i'm twenty something and single...enjoying a life I created.
feeling beautiful and strong.

i could do anything then.

...i still can.

Civility?

2008-01-10T17:06:00.000-08:00

After a year or so of blogging, I am just now starting to notice the competition going on between bloggers. (too bad, the honeymoon has ended)

Individuals that have left the LDS church or on their way out are doing their best to prove how right they were to leave by telling the rest of us how shitty the church is because it lied about some piece of history or how it hides the real truth about its doctrines.

(last time i checked, the church is not human and it cannot lie)

and the TBM's are doing their best to prove that what they believe is true, (a la numerous GA quotes and scriptures) and "it's the best way to true happiness" and" if you only did____you'd know."

(last time i checked on this one, you can't prove spiritual knowledge)

sorry to say this but....

who gives a shit who's right? ONLY YOU DO!

Instead of trying to compete with each other and prove you are more right, take a step back and see that you can both be right. One can believe that Joseph Smith saw God and that families can be eternal via temple sealings and that the LDS church is the only true and living church on the planet but what you believe doesn't make the next guy believe and it doesn't make it true for him because you have the "truth."

And one can have issues with the LDS church. You can hate its doctrines, disbelieve its history and feel that you were lied to, duped and tricked. You can be hurt and angry but it doesn't mean that I was lied too or I was duped. It doesn't make me a fool fool or blind because I am not angry.

That kind of thinking is condescending, rude, thoughtless, passive/aggressive and ultimately unproductive for both sides. Nobody wins, nobody learns and you don't make friends trying to out- do each other.

So here's the real gist of what I am getting at: People on both sides are way more concerned with an individuals output--what was said on the blog, what decisions were made, how she handled this or that-- and way less concerned with the human emotional element that is the cause to the actions.

It's time to take a step back folks. The people on the blogs are just that-- people. and they have a variety of reasons for staying, leaving, doubting and believing. Argument is good, disagreement is good but for everyone's sake, see them as people living a life, just as and often times, more difficult than the life you are living.

i need a name

2008-01-08T14:28:00.000-08:00

I have matching spots on my ears.

Share With Me

2008-01-01T15:49:00.000-08:00

...along with all of the wishes for a happy new year being tossed about freely, i want to add that i hope each of you reading this are able to:

take a minute to call an old friend
do at least 5 random acts of kindness (preferably outside of the ward/church)
take a trip or vacation to a destination of your choice.
complete at least 1 of your new years resolutions.
make your rent/mortgage with ease.

i'm not one to make resolutions or set goals (i forget within minutes what I set out to do) but these seem like nice things to aspire to in the coming year.

tell me what you would like to see on this list.

Favorite Things 2007

2007-12-26T18:30:00.000-08:00

Blame Chandelle, she made me do it...

Lisa, Artemis,Emily, Janet, Lessie, G, Chandelle my gosh, did I leave anyone out?

Discovering "The Wire". Hands down the best television on the air right now (new season in two weeks, yay) Brilliant, Brilliant, Brilliant!!! and here's one of my favorite scenes.

"Mad Men"- Second best television show this year. Those clothes, that furniture and the main character...what a hunk!(yes, I used the word! He really is.) And if you're a feminist, it will either make you grateful or give you reason to grind your teeth and curse at the T.V.

Discovering blogging (maybe that was 06?) not that I have anything important to say but it sure is fun

Getting to know my daughter as a girl becoming a woman. Scary and and wonderful all at the same time

My Young Women. I might not have stayed in the church if it wasn't for my calling with these girls. I'm supposed to teach them. Instead, I see it as an opportunity to let them talk.

Renewing my recommend. 2 years since my last visit to the temple. It's nice to know that I am a member of The Church because I want to be, not because someone expects it of me. On my terms and when the times comes, on His terms.

My neighborhood. living on the west side of the city, I get to be in a ward with alls sorts of folks. Diversity is good for the white man.

My '07 Felt road bike. yeah, I'm still a little squirly on it but I like the "go fastness" of it and can't wait for spring.

Discovering dark chocolate-thank the women of fMh for that.

Julie Rose. It's been fun having a friend to watch and discuss every little detail of "Mad Men" with. Too bad she's moving to Charlotte, NC in a week. (I will miss you tons!)

The Bourne Ultimatum. It could just be Matt Damon but I have loved every one of these movies and last night, I squealed in delight as I watched the final installment.

Falling in love with yarn-- again. (Actually, it's a sickness)
oh yeah...my hunny bought me a new digi camera and a Sansa e260 this year. I'm finally succumbing to technology. Perhaps I will get dsl in '08? I can dream...

Moving Forward

2007-11-27T17:59:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling a little saucy lately and so I've been reading the personal blogs of those I've become familiar with on fMh. I typically try to stay away from personal blogs because (I'm a snob?) it's just so much to read. Like standing the in the deodorant isle at the sprawl-mart...it's a bit overwhelming.

I'm drawn to stories of those that have left the Church or are struggling to stay in the Church. I think I like reading about the conflict and how lives are shaped by this curious thing we call The Gospel. AND, if I wanted my teeth to ache, I would read the Ensign.

I will be the first to admit that there are things about my religion that bother me. There are times when I think I just don't want to play anymore (and turn of the lights and pretend I'm not home) and times when I just roll my eyes and think my god people...pull your head out of your asses! But the positives far outweigh the negatives for me so I stay, despite the imperfection I find .

So as I've been reading the blogs, I've had an opportunity to ask myself: where do I fit in on the scale? Am I a super duper star saint? Or am I on my way out? Have I lost my faith? Or do I believe what I want to believe?

Sure, I have doubts and I should--I live by faith. I believe in a God that I cannot see. I worship a God who cannot speak to me in a way that I can literally hear. And I belong to an ultra conservative organization that requires so much of who I am that I am often at odds with the institution.

But why am I still wanting to be active in this church? Rather than working through the reasons why I should stay, perhaps I can work backwards and consider the reasons why I don't have to stay.

I don't have to be a Mormon because:

My spouse isn't LDS, never has been, probably never will be. In fact, he's not religious. So our marriage will not be affected by my decision to leave.

I'm a convert, so I don't have to worry about "disappointing" family, friends, mission companions. My family associations are just the way they were before I joined the church.

My daughter is a convert too. Although I understand my responsibility of a parent to teach my child about God, I refuse to indoctrinate hear and tell her what she believes. (she was 10 when she joined the church. It was her decision based on her reasons. All i did was ask if it was something she wanted to do.

I don't need religion to keep me honest, chaste, virtuous. I am those things because I love my God and it's his example I wish to live by.

I don't need to participate in a religion to keep my mind turned towards God. I don't need religion to teach me how to be a Christian. I have the words of the saviour in the New Testament to do that.

I don't need the ward to fulfill friendship needs, perform charitable acts, or act as a place to pay my tithes and offerings to God. My community provides ample opportunity.

Despite all of that, my heart and mind want to stay.

Listen folks, I've never stuck to anything in my life. I'm lazy and flippant and flighty. If I could have gotten out of the mommy gig, I would have done that years ago. Let's just say that sticktoituvness is not a quality I possess, and yet, I'm still here.

I made a choice years ago based on something more powerful than logic or history to be a part of LDS Church. My decision wasn't based on a perception of an organization. I didn't join the Church because I had a friend...or I like the missionaries...or because I thought Mormons were really great people... or because they had all the answers I was looking for.

I joined this church because a very still and small voice, one that I remembered hearing and feeling when I was nine years old and again at the birth of my daughter said, "yes Melanie, it's is true."