What does it mean to be an American?

Growing up, it never occurred to me that I was living a life of privilege. I didn't know that it was a luxury to wet my toothbrush under a running faucet so I could brush my teeth (and floss) before I jumped into my very own bed. I never thought it special to reach into the cupboard and pull out baking soda, flour and sugar so I could make a cake with my aunt in her kitchen. I never considered it a right to sit beside my grandmother during Catholic mass and offer up prayers to our God.

As a child, none of those activities ever cross my mind as being privileges and I'm ashamed to say that they haven't really crossed my mind (enough times)as an adult.

But watching a brief program tonight on what it means to be American really moved me to think hard on what it means to me.

I have no answers yet.

Sure, I have a few ideas. Just sitting here and sharing my thoughts with you is an example of the freedoms I enjoy. It's an example of my relative wealth and right to speak freely. Both of which I acquired just by being lucky enough to be born in this country. My mother was not born in this country. I am indeed lucky.

I encourage you to watch the video. The stories shared by the individuals are as varied as the people who share them. I was especially touched by a refugee family being showed how to use the shower and kitchen sink (about 24-25 min in).

A place for friends

(Cross posted at fMh)

The holidays are a difficult time for me. Most of my adult holidays have been spent alone or as the awkward guest in another family’s family-time. Even as a child it was difficult. I was the step-kid and often treated as a guest at my mother’s husband’s family get together…Oy! How the holidays sucked.

I thought it would be easier to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas when I remarried. I thought having a ‘family’ would change things, would change me, but His family is in Wisconsin and it’s just the 3 of us-often only two of us. Making a big turkey dinner with all of the trimmings is a lot of work and a lot of food for a very small family.

As I thought about my feelings, and the 30+ years of emotional baggage I carry around with me this time of year, my thoughts turned to a familiar saying on fMh:

It’s good to know that I’m not the only one that feels this way.

And then I remembered the single mother, the widow, the never married, the newly married couple, the childless, the individuals who have been discarded by their biological family and anyone that feels alone this time of year, and I though about how, if I could open my heart and home to comfort those people during this time, I would have the ambition and desire to celebrate.

I’m not saying that my family isn’t worthy of celebration but when 2/3 of my family isn’t the celebratin’ type, it takes all the fun out of all the work.

So, to everyone who doesn’t have a big family get-together awaiting them tomorrow, know that if my home was the center of the fMh universe you would be welcomed here and we’d cook and burn food and make the house smell like heaven. We’d talk and cry and laugh at everything that came to our minds. We’d watch some football and most definitely some hockey. We’d break bread and stuff ourselves silly until we couldn’t stand to look at another slice of pumpkin pie and then when we’re full and content and satisfied, we’d part ways and say to each other : until we meet again friend.

My thoughts are with you.

On friends and money

Some of us grow up poor and learn frugality and resilience and common sense. We learn how to make-do with little, expect little and learn how to be satisfied with what we have. We take the lessons of our youth with us into adulthood and we are cautious with our money. We save it and only purchase items we have cash on hand for. We plan in advance for unexpected events because we are always mindful that it can all come tumbling down with a loss of a job or accident. And we do our best to teach our children the lessons we learned and hope that they too will be prudent in their adulthood

And others....

Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die!

Or so it feels to me. It's frustrating to hear of the financial missteps of dear friends. It pains me to see potential hazards along their path and know I am unable to counsel them because they don't want to hear what I have to say. And because it's none of my business.

Money is funny. The standard rules of friendship do not apply. It seems my job as "friend" is to sit back and watch as the misery unfolds and do my best not to say “I shoulda told you so”.

What an unnatural thing to ask of me.

How do you handle these things?

(Bitter)sweet 16

16 years ago, my little Petunia came into the world. I was just three years older than she is today.

Now she’s asking to drive the car and buying undergarments from Victoria’s Secret. We talk about boys and drugs and stupid girl tricks. We laugh together–though not enough. Yell at each other–way too much. And cry together– at the stupidest things.

Harsh as it sounds, we are not friends. I am her mother and she is my daughter and the roles we play defined who we are to each other. Ours has mostly been a relationship of survival and necessity. Of frugality and pragmatism. Sure, we love each other, but our lives are not full of demonstrative love. And we’re very close, but we have a clear understanding of each others space and boundaries. Softness was a luxury that I couldn’t afford and safety took priority over idyllic childhoods.

I have always considered Petunia to be an extension of me. And who could blame me? First she was inside me, then at my side when we slept and at my breast to be comforted. Later she would be behind me in the car seat when we traveled and beside me in the bed where we read. She stood at my side when I married N and she stands near me when we talk about the things of life.

Because of our circumstances, we have always been together, me making a home for her and both of us growing into adulthood. Many years have passed since it was just the two of us and I have finally reached that time when I am forced to realize: She is no longer an extension of me.

And so, while I lived my life in a way that would teach her to be a kind person and I trained how to be polite to people and I showed her what it takes to be a person that will go into the world with confidence and awareness and skill, I now have to admit that our relationship isn’t “about me” anymore.

It’s about her now.

Now it’s my turn to stand by her side as she grows into the young woman that I helped to create.

Roasted Tomatoes

I love to roast as a way to preserve over canning because the tomatoes taste better and canned tomatoes from the market are inexpensive. I don't think I could find a jar of locally roasted tomatoes for <$1.00 but if you have a lead on a store that carries them for that price, I'm there. I did can this year because I had a very plentiful harvest and I'm pretty sure I couldn't afford all of the olive oil required to roast a thousand tomatoes.

I've had a few requests for this tomato recipe so here goes...


Pull them off the vines and rinse. There's close to a hundred tomatoes in the tub below and you'll use that many to obtain two to three pints of tomatoes. (depends on size of course. I use the smallish Roma's for this recipe)

Add generous amounts of olive oil and balsamic vinegar,kosher salt, pepper, rosemary, basil, and a touch of oregano. I used fresh herbs because I have them available right now but dried herbs work just as well. Don't be afraid to experiment. I'm positive you can't go wrong unless you burn them.

oh, and don't forget the garlic -very important, but not as important as the balsamic vinegar. The balsamic vingar is the reason why the tomatoes pop with flavor in your mouth.

Make sure to swish the 'maters around in the oil/herb mixture so they get a good coating. Turn them flat side down and let them sit for 30-45 minutes to marinate

Bake them for about 45-1 hr at 425 degrees until they look like this:

and then flip and cook them until they look like the photo above. When you flip them they will feel like mush. Don't be tempted to quit at this stage because the tomatoes will be mushy and a bit watery. Roasting the other side really seals in the flavor and texture. The second roasting doesn't take long so be on the lookout.

Let them cool and then put them the storage container of your choice and freeze. I added a little extra olive oil for preservation (that's entirely optional) and used mason jars because I have plenty. I've had another jar in the fridge for two weeks now and If I had to guess, I say it will last a really long time because of the olive oil.

And after all of that hard work...

It's time to eat!

Also posted at feministmormonhousewives.org

When Lisa was here last week, we were chatting briefly about the new Supreme Court Justice, Sonia Sotomayor and she suggested that I need a t-shirt that says "Wise Latina" because I am the resident Latina on fMh and (she thinks) I'm wise.

I was surprised and thrilled when, a few hours later, I flipped over my current issue of Latina magazine and found this image staring back at me.

I'm totally buying this in hopes that one day I can live up to its words.

******

I'd like to take a minute as a half-brown woman to share with the world how great I think it is to have a bona-fide brown woman sitting on the Supreme Court of the United States.

My grandmother, mother, aunts and cousins all Latin immigrants; Mexican, Cuban, Spanish, came here seeking a better life and though they never made it to positions as high as Ms. Sotomayor, they paved the way for me and my cousins to aspire to greatness. I am the first in my line to receive a college education and my cousin BJ the first in hers.

It wasn't easy for either of us. We came up poor and without the social /cultural expectations and/ or emotional and financial support needed to get us through University. Both of us on the receiving end of ugly words and deeds directed at us personally, directed at our families and directed at our people.

But somehow, despite the hardships, we pressed on.

And one day, hopefully, my daughter, who is brown, yellow and white, and BJ's children, who are brown, black and white, will not ever know what a big deal it is to be the first [insert gender/color here] to achieve [insert high ranking title here].

I hope that when they are 35, they will only know of a time when women, gays, blacks, yellow, reds and browns were considered less than equal to white men as an event only existing in the history books.

Beauty

Many things are beautiful to me.

Today, it's carrots.

I love the feeling of pulling the root out of the soggy ground; mud squishing between my fingers as I tug the top of the plant. It a surprise each time because every carrot has its own unique shape. Some long and straight, others short with multiple carrots growing from one base.

All of them tasty when roasted with olive oil, garlic and rosemary.


This is my first official harvest of carrots

just for kicks, here's a partial view of the Superfund site:



...and the finished product! another beautiful thing to see.


everything but the chicken came from the back.

Sunday at Mueller Park

Look! We got a new camera.

Now I have proof that I don't spend all day everyday tuned into fMh or Facebook.
_____
As I've been looking over the many years of pictures, it's obvious to me that n and I are the "couple that does stuff", but not in the adorably cute couple, Les and Christy, kind of way. More like the hey, I need a riding buddy and your proximity makes it convenient, kind of way. (Remember the proximity friend?)

I was trained to believe that couples are supposed to get over each other and activ-a-tate apart after they’ve been married a few years-- but not us. We seem to get more active as we age and I'm not talking about the occasional camping trip or weekly visit to COSTCO. We play hard together and do it often.

This is a *good thing because we get to, hopefully, keep having fun and continue to find interest with each other as the years pass.

It also means that when he wises up and leaves me for some peace and tranquility, he'll not have his built in proximity buddy to do stuff with and end up coming home.

So here are some pics of our most recent outing. I only wish we had bought the camera on Saturday when we rode the Big Water trail at the top of Millcreek Canyon—that’s one gorgeous trail full of fir and aspen trees with a lake at the top of the climb.

These are of Mueller Park Canyon in Bountiful. It’s less than 10 miles from the house to the trail head, and though it aint no Millcreek, it’s a decent climb and fun descent and we can take Mr. Pink along.


it's a long way to the top when you only have four legs.


no, i'm not pregnant!





my hunny is hawt! i think i got the better end of the deal.

*If you don't count all the times I’m “moody” or “irritable” ( if you’re married to a woman you know that's those are code words for bitchy)

I can do anything better than you can...no I can't.

If you ask me what the best TV show of all time is I will probably say The Wire, and next in line is Six Feet Under, but my recent re-acquaintance with M*A*S*H*during my bout with the Swine flu reminded me of what an insightful and brilliant show M*A*S*H* was.

I used to watch it all the time as a kid but only for the humor. As an adult, I get it. I get the messages the writers were trying to send about war and the human condition.

I have been mulling this line said to Hawkeye Peirce by Col. Ptter, around in my head for days:

"The only (wo)man I have to be better than is the (wo)man I am right now."

It's just one of many classic lines from the show. I guess I keep hearing it over and over in my head because most days I think I'm trying to be a better person for family and community, but the truth is, I am still comparing myself to my friends, schoolmates, co-bloggers neighbors and the beautiful woman I saw on the street.

I keep, secretly and quietly, insisting to myself that if I'm not as good as X than I'm not doing 'it' right. Whatever 'it' is.

The worst part is that those thoughts do nothing to make me feel more confident. They do nothing to inspire me to be better at whatever it is I'm good at.

Those thoughts discourage me and make me want to give up.

I just don't know how to make them stop.

Maybe I'll find the answer in another episode of M*A*S*H*.

Stay tuned.

Banning the Burqa

i'm posting this here for those that don't read the big blog and want a more intimate place to express their opinion. if you want to be part of a larger discussion, you can find it here: feministmormonhousewives.org

As a western woman with the freedoms to wear whatever I want (as long as it’s garment worthy) I secretly snickered when I heard that French president Nicolas Sarkozy wants to ban the wearing of burqas by Muslim women on French territory. Apparently, he wants to protect the dignity of women.

After all, a *burqa is an article of clothing designed to conceal a woman from head to toe with only her eyes to be seen. To my half-white, middle-class American mind, the wearing of a burqa is just crazy. It forces a woman to be “invisible”. She is no longer a person, she’s property.

And as a feminist, it makes me uncomfortable to be around.**

But, my silent and fleeting satisfaction quickly turned to thoughts of the potential harms of such laws.

Religious tolerance and personal freedoms were first to my mind.

And the women. What happens to the women who have been forbidden by law to wear their coverings in public?

It’s easy for me as a feminist to almost intuitively think that any kind of forced covering is wrong. I mean, she’ll never be equal to anyone as long as she’s hidden behind a veil, right?

but…

the religious person in me thinks that legislating what religious apparel is ‘unacceptable’ is just establishing a precedent for doing away with any form of outward signs of religion (garments? yarmulkes?). And what about cultural clothing?

What if a government decides that traditional [insert any traditional immigrant to the new country] clothing is not in keeping with the standards of cultural acceptability?

I know that many women wear the head scarf or burqa do it out of choice–out of religious duty. I understand and can respect those arguments. As a person who wears the garment to, in part, protect my morality and encourage modesty, I am not much different.

I also know that many women are forced to wear coverings. If I were to visit Saudi Arabia, I’d be required to cover-up in public.

So, what is the difference? Assuming their is one.

Where is the line drawn when respecting one country’s customs and laws and infringing on personal freedoms?

Where is the line drawn when respecting one group’s religious and cultural practices and protecting the rights of women/children/animals within the new host country?

What of the women who cannot wear their coverings in public? Will they be forced to stay indoors? Or will they obey the ‘laws of the land’ but be subject to sanctions by their religious and social community?

I don’t have the answers and I don’t really know what to think on this issue.

However, this does come to mind and whether or not it’s a similar scenario to you, it does help provide a starting point for me when considering France’s potential new law:

Years ago, women used to have their feet bound. Even here in the United States. Do you think we (Americans) would be so forgiving of such cultural practices now?

* If I have totally misrepresented anyone’s beliefs, please accept my apologies in advance.

**as a person who absolutely loves and celebrates religious and cultural diversity, I find myself in a world of confusion on this one.

First Time to Tri

I finally made my ass participate in a triathlon. Back in 99, when I lived in CA, I trained for a sprint tri in the Pacific Ocean. I was 30-40 pounds leaner and ready to actually compete-not just finish. The race was on a Sunday and I was baptized in the LDS Church the Saturday before. I thought I should go to church instead.

Last Wednesday, (only a day after reentering the pool in years) I was sharing a lane with a girl who said she was going to do the 4th Street Triathlon on Saturday. I rode home on my bike and thought, I could at least try. So I signed up.

What's interesting to me is earlier that day, I was thinking on my way up to school that my bike is 10 years old now and that I bought it to race and it will never see dirt or a race again. I was lamenting the fact that the old Trek is now just a 'city bike'. To my delight, I was wrong!!!

So why would I sign up for something that I'm not ready for? Seriously folks, I can ride miles on the road but I haven't been on a trail in years. I can swim a few yards but not with any speed and I can't run. I can shuffle for 3 miles on flat pavement but I would be hesitant to call it jogging and I certainly haven't done all three events at once carrying a 30 pound bag on my butt.

Well, I keep saying: when I get in shape (read: lose 30lbs) I will do a tri/race/ _____. You know-- I'm not in shape. I haven't been in shape since I moved to Utah and I probably wont be again. I just don't have the intestinal fortitude to remove the weight.

But I was inspired by the girl in the lane next to me and by Eris-especially Eris. I'm so damn competitive that I keep thinking that it's only good if I do well. I realized from chatting with Eris that I don't have do well in the standings to have fun.

doing well is trying and finishing.

enjoy the pics


clean, happy and nervous.




I almost look like I know what I'm doing, eh? Considering I started swimming on Tuesday of this week after a ten year hiatus, I'm damn glad for muscle memory.



It was all uphill. until the downhill.


Bike to Run Transition. The trails were too muddy, too congested and too to rocky/gravely to get a good drink of water. This my first sip since starting.

Hands down, the cycle was the hardest and the funnest leg of the race. I haven't been mountain biking in almost... 10 years and I've never done it in the mud. I did fall, but it was at the beginning of the leg and at the bottom of an incline. The person in front of me had to hop off and it was in a several inch thick puddle of mud and water. I tried to clip out but the mud/metal/petal/cleat interface wasn't letting me out. so I tipped over, still clipped into my pedals. Ass first and sucked into the mud. It took me a few minutes! yes! to get myself unsucked. I have bruises and cuts to prove it. Thankfully, that was my only fall.




Done! 1:53 and some change. I expected to be the LAST person crossing the finish line and for it to take me 2-1/2 hours or longer. My first words to the volunteers: Can I stop now?



Eating a bagel and standing next to my old, but trusty steed.



Just in case i didn't make it clear how muddy it was....

best earth day ever

i saw eris nekkid!!!

yep. we showered together.

well, not really but she was in the locker room with me after i went swimming and she was in the shower stall next to mine. as is my custom, in invited myself into her personal space and talked her ear off about really deep things until my class started.

it seems she's not offended by my loud cackle and foul mouthin' ways.

score!!!

see, i'm a simple girl, i only have two requests in my dealings with people and that is that they don't have a corn cob up their ass (read: knows how to laugh and doesn't take themselves seriously) and that they don't take offense at my notsonicetmormonladyways.

eris passed the test.

i have a new girl crush....yes i do. yes i do.
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.are we freaking you out numi?

Earth Day.

pswhhhaw...earth day is for ametuers.

ok, i'm being mean. but if you are new to the who "green" thing and you've just started trying to do little things here and there to be more earth friendly,(tho, i like to think of it as human species friendly) here is the number one best thing you can do to be environmentally friendly.

CONSUME LESS.


consume less electricity: turn off the lights, tv, computer (yes!)

consume less natural gas: keep your thermostat low. we keep ours
at 58 in the winter. sweaters and wool socks work, i promise. but even keeping it at 62-63 will make a difference

consume less meat: reduce your meat to once or twice a week and you’ll be amazed at how much money you save.

consume less new stuff: all those things we like to buy have a cost that’s not factored into them at the checkout. it’s usually a human and environmental cost that would make you sick to your stomach if you actually knew. i’m not saying not to buy stuff. it’s fun. but buy less stuff.

consume less petrol: i’ve done posts on this in the past. ride your bike! take the bus. at least one day a week but aim for 3. you’ll save so much money in the long run, i promise.

consume less water: “if it aint yellow, let it mellow” is a motto in many homes now so you won't be the only one.

and dry your clothes on a line. it's free free free!

ps. buy a tree from a local nursery. trees are carbon sinks. if you live in a place where you can’t plant it, put it in a pot on your porch or donate it to a friend who can plant it.

k. i'm stepping down off my soapbox now.

actually, never was on. even if you don't care one iota about the environment, doing the following is also good common sense in these unstable economic times. why throw money away, i say.

plus, riding your bike home is a really good way to depressurize and burn a few calories and be a part of the world.

Tuesday foolishness...

there's going to be a whole lot of bushy tops marrying muffin tops in the next few years. wonder what the kids will look like?

a little something to make you question your world view.

US population: 304 million, 486 thousand*

US births annually: 4 million, 354 thousand

that's a lot of i pods, cell phones, laptops, cars, seven jeans, and 3000 sf homes

...and a lot of resources. where do they come from? and who really pays?




* prb.org

Panic Attack or Something Like That

hang with me folks, this is more of a quick random journal entry/vent but it should give you an idea of where my mind is at lately.

My quest for a pressure cooker took me to the Bountiful today. I don't usually like to shop because 1. I don’t like being around all the people and 2. I know that my back will hurt and 3. most definitely, some asshole will attempt to run me over in the parking lot because he was paying more attention to his cell phone, but this was a "necessary" errand that "had" to be run after school.

Something about Fred’s class and the discussion topic had me feeling especially crummy. So as I entered in the Ross store, I immediately felt my anxiety level rise and guilt from being aware of where all that stuff comes from.

I couldn’t tell which was worse, the knowledge that everything I was attracted to (because I like stuff just like everyone else does) had to come from somewhere far, far away, (by hands that do no enjoy the leisure time at a keyboard, like mine do) and if I hadn’t done such a good job of dissociating myself from the real cost of "the stuff" I really wouldn’t want it, OR despite that knowledge, I still wanted "the stuff".

/sigh.

There was no pressure cooker at the Ross, or the TJ Maxx or even the Costco. By the end of my errand in that shopping center, I was ready to be hit by a truck--I felt so helpless.

They say ignorance is bliss. Sometimes, I believe that.

I headed over to the Centerville DI to complete another errand of dropping off my unwanted items and within a second of entering the store, my blood pressure went down and I felt at ease. I Love the DI.

Next stop: the locally owned Dicks for a sugar cookie- handmade in the bakery by college kids.

Locker Rooms and Aging

also posted on feministmormonhousewives.org

I've noticed(ymmv) that in the gym locker room, it seems the older women, the ones that have a few years of accumulated fat around the belly and gray hair, don't care as much about changing and showering in full view of others. They appear to be comfortable. Unlike the youngish and nubile women and girls who not only don't shower and change where anyone can see them, but go to great lengths lest one catch any glimpse of their forbidden bits. Doesn't it seem like it should be the other way around?

From what I've noticed, many of the younger women hiding their bodies in the locker room also wear itty-bitty shorts and sport bras on the elliptical machine. They are also the ones that run around campus in miniskirts and high heels in the winter. I'm fascinated with their portrayal of self confidence and display of selected body parts to the world and how quickly that self confidence seems diminish in the locker room-- the place where it's OK to really let it all hang out. I'm fascinated because I identify with the young women... and the older women.

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All of this observation of late has me thinking of my youth and I'll be honest--I'm having a really difficult time accepting my age.

I admit that there are some great things about being in my mid 30's. For example, I know a little bit more than the average 22 year old about how the world works and how people think. I'm grateful to say that I have 20+ years of good and really bad life experiences and I'm fortunate to recognize their value. It's also been fun to realize that I'm still attractive, at my age, to the men-types (I'd be full of dog poo if i didn't admit that it matters to me.)

But yet, there are some sucky things about aging. My body aches. I have shoulder and back issues that keep me up all night. My vision is failing, I'm noticing lines around my mouth and eyes, a brand new difficulty in shedding excess fat and the sharp decline in the amount of perky parts.

While I'm being honest...I'll also admit that for much of my life, my physical appearance has been important to my success(?) my acceptance(?) I don't know for sure what it was, but I know it's been positive. (I want to state that I consider myself to be only slightly better than average and that's only because I have really great hair). I worry about entering the job market again as a late 30's/early 40 something woman, my youth and beauty behind me. I worry about not having that positive advantage (because I've learned that looks matter during the interview process). That might be shallow and arrogant to many of you but I have always tried to be honest on this forum and since when do I pull punches? These are real concerns to me and pretty much every other women over the age of perky.

---------
So while it's silly to me now, as a quasi-mature (don't laugh, I've got the body to prove it) woman, in the past, I was that young girl hiding behind a towel worried about others seeing my body even though I would flaunt appropriate (I thought) bits of it with a well fitting tank top because, you know, I had lots of muscles that needed to be seen.

Back then why was I ashamed to have someone see my much more beautiful (for standard cultural values of beauty) naked body in the shower but now-- as the middle aged (almost invisible) woman with not so firm parts, a belly that proves that I gave birth, thighs tone by many years working in an office, that I don't need to give a crap. Well, not as much.

So what happened? Did I just realize that it's futile? That I'm not in competition with anyone (and maybe I never really was) and it's not worth worrying about? Or am I, at the ripe age of 35, just starting to realize that nobody is looking and that my value as a woman is actually in those 20+ years of life experience?

Still, even with the progress I've made on the personal front, how do I convince a future employer of that?

What about you? How are you dealing with age? Beauty? Being older and entering the job market?

Here's a funny bit of life: my 15 y/o just walked in, asked me how the bathing suit top looks on her ( for her mutual activity), makes a comment about how much she likes how she looks in the top and then puts on a pair of too big for her man shorts because she doesn't want anyone to see her butt and legs--because?]

25 things (so I will stop getting tagged) about me.

Here's a little something that was going around on Facebook. I figured since I went through the trouble to type it up, I might as well be efficient and make it a blog post.

1. I think people who use their cell phones while driving are selfish and dangerous assholes. I also think that people who talk about private things on their cell phones in public places shouldn’t be offended when I offer them a sock to shove in their mouths. (yeah, I realize I just offended everyone I know but this is supposed to be things you didn’t know about me and I value my right to life and my husband’s right to life more than I value your right to chat/text while you are driving )

2. I love to dig in the dirt and work outdoors but my back doesn’t. I’ve had chronic back problems since I was a sophomore in high school. The doctor said at my first visit that I better get used to the pain because I will have to live with it for the rest of my life. She was right.

3. I always carry a knife and vintage handkerchief on me-even when I wear a dress/skirt and heels. (I have a drippy nose.)

4. Though I don’t dress like it, I love expensive high-end clothing. I also have a really good sense of style but I’m way to practical to dress the part on a day to day basis. I’m also too practical to spend the money on really expensive clothes. Everything I own/wear comes from a thrift store, is a hand me down or is from Ross/TJ Maxx and was deeply discounted ( I won’t buy it if it isn’t on clearance)

5. I hate spending money. I love saving money. You wouldn’t know it by the amount of crap I have piled on every surface in my house.

6. I am a chronic surface abuser. No flat surface is safe from my piles.

7. I am the laziest person you will ever meet.

8. I have shitty self esteem and I always assume everyone hates me and I second guess everything I say and do. I’ve tried to get over this my whole life but the best I can do is just manage my anxiety.

9. I'm a klutz. I trip, fall, slip, knock things over. You can't take me anywhere because I will embarrass you.

10. I taught myself to snowboard when I was in my mid 20’s. I also taught snowboarding-the same season I learned how to ride. It’s the only thing I’ve ever been madly passionately in love with. It’s what brought me to Utah.

11. I live a quiet, almost boring life. I will almost always chose to stay in but should I have to go out, I will dress up and put make- up on—because I never go out!!

12. I can make things with yarn. Gloves, mittens, scarves, hats, dolls. I know dozens of stitches and I have about 24 skeins of yarn and unfinished projects sitting next to my bed. I also have several hundred skeins of yard around the house and in the storage shed. It’s a sickness.

13. I used to be a series 3 licensed commodities broker. I started as temp office assistant.
I was one of 4 or 5 female brokers in an office of 75+ men. Never ever tell me that I can’t do something because I will show you otherwise.

14. I’m impatient and bitchy and totally irrational most of the time.

15. I didn’t want to get married because I didn’t want to have to share my space and life with someone. It's a good think Niel came along and made me share.

16. I have dial up internet because I’m too cheap to pay for broadband. I also have cable tv and HBO but I watch it on a 17" TV for the same reasons. (I haven’t figured it out yet either)

17. I foster shelter dogs and teach them some manners so they can get adopted. It’s really simple- I show them how to walk on a lead without pulling (at my side) , how to take food nicely and how to wait before entering a doorway or stairway. Works every time!

18. I used to live in Laguna Hills, Ca. I would spend every weekend in the winter in the mountains and every weekend in the summer/ spring at the beach. I miss the beach but I love the mountains more. I don’t miss California too much.

19. I used to have several secret fantasies they are:
a. to have the body of a Ms. Fitness competitor
b. to be able to play the guitar and sing like Ani Difranco
c. to compete in boarder cross race

20. Currently, my favorite place is the Tetons in late September/ early October. There’s just no way to describe the beauty of that park in full fall color. Add in the light, late season traffic, and that place is like heaven.

21. I used to play the bass guitar. I saved all my money when I was in jr high and with some help from my cousin bought one. I taught myself how to play it but later sold it because my then husband made me. I regret that. I have an acoustic 6 string and I know many chords and how to play it but I suck because I don’t ever practice. I always mean to practice, I always wish to practice but I’m just not driven enough (maybe you should tell me that I will never be able to play because I’m just not good enough)

22. Speaking of regrets, I only have a few…I regret not realizing my childhood dream of being a sound engineer, I regret not going to university after high school, I regret not going to University when I moved to Utah, I regret not finishing my degree when I got married in 05, I regret not actually taking the snowboard racing seriously when I was younger and I really regret not being a better mother to Hannah-I should have spent more time hugging, singing, reading and playing with her. Now, I’m to cranky and stubborn to make up for it. If I could change one of them, it would be be the last one.

23. I have no talents. Seriously. Not one.

24. I love to swim and lift weights. I don’t like to run. Hiking is tolerable only because it’s the only way to experience a national park.

25. I’m so sorry for all of you who actually read this.

oh one more, I'm worried about getting older and losing my looks (because it's always been about my looks, right?) but I think it's totally stupid that girls get all dressed up and wear heels on campus in the winter. just today, i saw a girl with knee high socks, short shorts, and heels walking up the hill to the Union. wtf?

Hi. I'm back for a few minutes.

You'd think with all of the changes in my life in the last 30 days, I'd have much to say, but I don't.

I'm just too lazy but I know a few of you have wondered where I've been...

I was laid off from TSC the first week of January-something to do with not being able to get loans for the construction projects- so I added 3 classes to my schedule-I am now a full time student at the University of Utah.

I am not, nor do I plan to look for work in the near future. Thanks to a good savings and a partner who is (currently) working, I will be able to meet all of my financial commitments while I finish my schooling this semester. Let's keep our fingers crossed and hope that NF doesn't become another victim of the financial mess our country is in.

I'm an environmental studies major and I'm also planning to get BS in geography for fun. I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with trying to save our species.

My house is cleaner than it's been in years and that awful pain in my shoulder, the one that paralyzes me when I'm washing dishes or making dinner, it hasn't visited me in 3 weeks. I am much more pleasant now and I think it's because I currently have no stress or if I do, it doesn't bother me.

I've decided that I never want to work in an office again (did you know there's light in the day and sometimes, it's warm and breezy?) and that full time student status is much more fun. I'll let you know how that works out.

Oh, the best part about getting laid off? I can now use public transportation every day- I don't have to drive during the week. It's freaking awesome. (and I've lost weight too)


So there, I'm doing great. I pouted for about an hour after I got word of losing my income but in that same hour, I added classes to my schedule. I'm not one to give up an opportunity and this major change is certainly one of them. I've been through worse things in my life so big changes don't always scare me- I just plow ahead and keep moving forward.